Question: Yangki, I’ve been on your site everyday since my ex of 18 years left me. I also have your book and both have been very helpful. I am more in control of my emotions, have a good idea of what I need to do to get my ex back and have seen some progress in the ways she talks to me and responds to my contacts. It’s a big improvement from a few weeks ago when she didn’t want any contact and was very hostile.
A couple of days ago, I came across something that has made me reach out to you for advice. My ex has put up a profile on a dating site and is obviously looking to meet other men. May be even already in a rebound relationship, I don’t know. I have a profile on the same site and happened to come across her profile. Do you think it’s a good idea for me to respond to her ad? Introduce myself and start over with her?
Yangki’s Answer: You could, but I suspect that it’ll backfire. She may think you’re spying on her or stalking her… what are the odds that you both are on the same dating site? I know it can happen, but I am not sure she’ll see it as purely coincidence.
She knows that you still love her and want her back, but she’s online looking for someone else. Which means that right now, you are not what/who she wants.
She may ignore your response to her ad, confront you about it and tell you to back off, or she could do things to deliberately hurt you. None of these possible reactions are good for your chances getting her back.
Anything that looks like you are intruding in the life she’s creating for herself without you will drive her further away.
Your best chance is staying close and doing what you can to make her see that what you have to offer is better than anything out there, but don’t try to pressure her into choosing you or try to insert yourself into her life.