Comment on How To Stop The Silent Treatment by Love Doctor, Yangki Christine Akiteng.
I hear what you are saying, Greg. Unfortunately, both genders play the victim card.
What I was saying to both Donna and Beth is that before you start pointing fingers at the other person, make sure you are blameless. My experience has been that most people do not want to look at themselves because that means that they have to change. It’s easier to try to change someone else than change oneself.
The irony is that the unhappiest people are those who think they can change another person. They think that if they can change the other person, then everything else would be perfect. Most end up alone or with partners who are there physically but emotionally M.I.A. It’s kind of a vicious cycle.
I do agree with you on the part about “chipping away at his self confidence in the name of helping him change”. I think women are generally more guilty of this than men are. That said, I’m not interested in taking sides. First, it helps no one. And second, it attracts to this blog bitter men and women with no sense of self-accountability or responsibility. I can’t stand both… and will call it out when I see it, regardless of whether it’s a man or woman.
Love Doctor, Yangki Christine Akiteng Also Commented
How To Stop The Silent Treatment
You read her comment. She does NOT want to leave him. She loves him and wants things to work… just doesn’t know how.
Nowhere does she say he “repeatedly withholds love and affection and actively avoids resolution”. I think you are projecting your own personal experience/situation into her experience/situation.
Cutting off all ties is not the solution to every relationship problem. Personally I think severing a relationship just because it has problems is a cope-out by people who lack the ability to maintain relationships… and there is just too many of them on the internet.
If Donna wants to try to make her relationship work, that’s HER decision to make.
How To Stop The Silent Treatment
May be it’s how you talk to him that is THE problem.
Look at your comment for example… “but I’m reading that all I CAN do is leave if I don’t want to deal with torment.”
But half of the article is about what you can do if you don’t want to just leave.
See, when you start a conversation or discussion with false accusations, negative statements, criticism etc, people react either by aggressively defending themselves or just refuse to engage with you in an attempt to defuse the situation and avoid a full blown fight (something you might see as giving the silent treatment”).
And when you follow it with questioning his love for you and acting like you are doing him a favour (“But I feel he is deserving of a loving relationship”), what do you expect?
I would not be surprised if this guy is the really patient one in this relationship, and keeping his silence is the only thing he can do because he loves you.
Some guys can be patient like that. Just being honest…
Recent Comments by Love Doctor, Yangki Christine Akiteng
How Long After A Break-Up Does Your Ex Start Missing You?
That’s a sad story. Unfortunately it happens too frequently.
If you are contacting him to get him back, I think you should rethink it. He’s shown you who he is, believe him!
If you are contacting him to give him a piece of your mind… let him have it.
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You are on the right path. If you can stop the fighting completely, your relationship will grow and flourish.
Thank you for your kind words, and God bless you too!
20 PLUS Incredible Success Stories Of People Who Got Back Their Ex
This is incredible. I am happy for you and with you… 🙂
Thank you so much for coming back to share your story. It means a lot to me. Someone will read your story and want to make it their story… and that’s the power of love!
What Does Starting Over With Your Ex Mean?
Timing, ‘safe’ topics and needy contact is in Dating Your Ex. When and how to arrange a face to face is also in the book. There are also numerous articles to all those topics on the site. Spend sometimes searching for them. If you need advice specific to your situation, please consider signing up for coaching.
5 Common Signs A Man Or Woman Is Playing You
I totally agree… if he/she keeps bringing up an ex, then there are some “unresolved” issues there. But does it necessarily mean you’re being “played?” Some people get “stuck in the past” even when they have no second thoughts of getting back with an ex… anger, pain of rejection/abandonment, etc.
***Keeps bringing up an ex — tale-tell sign with a question mark. There is a possibility he/she could be on the rebound and using you (but not intentionally) to get over an ex (and you may even know it but choose to believe what you want to believe).
But there are also some men and women who don’t want the person they’re dating to say anything positive about an ex… they ask questions and when the person answers honestly, they automatically conclude “he/she’s not over an ex yet!” They assume all exes are exes because they were “bad” people, and all break-ups are nasty/painful – which is not true for everyone.
***Says positive (fond) things about an ex — not necessarily a red flag unless they’re saying it in ways that suggest they still have hopes of someday getting back together.