Comment on How To Stop The Silent Treatment by Love Doctor, Yangki Christine Akiteng.
You read her comment. She does NOT want to leave him. She loves him and wants things to work… just doesn’t know how.
Nowhere does she say he “repeatedly withholds love and affection and actively avoids resolution”. I think you are projecting your own personal experience/situation into her experience/situation.
Cutting off all ties is not the solution to every relationship problem. Personally I think severing a relationship just because it has problems is a cope-out by people who lack the ability to maintain relationships… and there is just too many of them on the internet.
If Donna wants to try to make her relationship work, that’s HER decision to make.
Love Doctor, Yangki Christine Akiteng Also Commented
How To Stop The Silent Treatment
I hear what you are saying, Greg. Unfortunately, both genders play the victim card.
What I was saying to both Donna and Beth is that before you start pointing fingers at the other person, make sure you are blameless. My experience has been that most people do not want to look at themselves because that means that they have to change. It’s easier to try to change someone else than change oneself.
The irony is that the unhappiest people are those who think they can change another person. They think that if they can change the other person, then everything else would be perfect. Most end up alone or with partners who are there physically but emotionally M.I.A. It’s kind of a vicious cycle.
I do agree with you on the part about “chipping away at his self confidence in the name of helping him change”. I think women are generally more guilty of this than men are. That said, I’m not interested in taking sides. First, it helps no one. And second, it attracts to this blog bitter men and women with no sense of self-accountability or responsibility. I can’t stand both… and will call it out when I see it, regardless of whether it’s a man or woman.
How To Stop The Silent Treatment
May be it’s how you talk to him that is THE problem.
Look at your comment for example… “but I’m reading that all I CAN do is leave if I don’t want to deal with torment.”
But half of the article is about what you can do if you don’t want to just leave.
See, when you start a conversation or discussion with false accusations, negative statements, criticism etc, people react either by aggressively defending themselves or just refuse to engage with you in an attempt to defuse the situation and avoid a full blown fight (something you might see as giving the silent treatment”).
And when you follow it with questioning his love for you and acting like you are doing him a favour (“But I feel he is deserving of a loving relationship”), what do you expect?
I would not be surprised if this guy is the really patient one in this relationship, and keeping his silence is the only thing he can do because he loves you.
Some guys can be patient like that. Just being honest…
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Thank you for posting your success story. You are right about a strong emotional bond.
All the very best!… 🙂
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I wasn’t going to answer your question because it’s under the wrong article. But then it started to bother me. Someone is asking for your prayers for his sick Dad and all you think about is yourself?
He is NOT playing a silly mind game. The fact that he reached out to you with an “apology” for how he treated you means that he’s worried about his Dad. The least you can do is pray. It won’t cost you anything. You don’t even have to tell him you prayed. Do it because it’s a kind thing to do. Kindness is not weakness. Kindness shows you still have a heart. Maybe broken, but still there.
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