Things moving too fast is the 1 reason your ex is suddenly pulling back, and probably the top reason exes pull away even when they love you.
So many people trying to attract back their ex make the mistake of jump headfirst. You reach out to your ex and as soon as your ex responds you’re calling them and talking for hours. Next day you are sending them “I miss you” text, asking them out and planning a second date etc. All within a week or two. Before you know it, you’re getting far ahead of your ex’s feelings for you and scaring your ex away.
Different experiences, different feelings
To you, things are moving along great. Your is responding, open to talking for hours, wants to see you and even wants to have sex with you. But to your ex, they like talking to you and enjoy spending time with you; but they still don’t know how they feels about you or if they want to get back together.
You don’t know how your ex really feels, but you’re excited things are going on great. You don’t notice that your ex is taking longer to respond, saying fewer words and not as excited about things as you are.
Then your ex suddenly pulls back. They’re not just taking longer to respond, sometimes they don’t respond at all. They cancel dates and seem cold and distant. You get that sinking feeling that your ex is pulling away. They are.
The 1 reason your ex is suddenly pulling back
The top reason exes pull away even when they love you is because things are moving way too fast. But you’d think that if things were moving too fast, your ex would tell you they want to take it slow; but most exes don’t. They just suddenly pull back.
To avoid scaring your ex away because things are going too fast for them, you need to slow down your pace and take smaller steps.
One of the things I recommend in my book Dating Your Ex is “slowing down in order to move further in the process”. What this means in the beginning of the process is that you do not “actively” try to get back together for a 2 – 3 weeks after the break-up.
After talking to a couple of clients about slowing down in order to move further in the process, I realized that some readers misunderstood it to mean I was saying “give your ex space” or “take space” for yourself. One reader asked in the comments section if I meant not to contact your ex.
Do not “actively” try to get back together
If you see that your ex is suddenly pulling back, stop actively trying to get them back.
Actively trying to get back your ex is what I described in the beginning of this article. Not “actively” trying to get back together is setting aside all attempts to convince your ex to come back; and instead focus on creating the emotional environment that will make them want to come back.
Instead of rushing to getting back together and making your ex think you want more than they’re ready for, keep the lines of communication open. Don’t do no contact, but don’t also try to get back together just yet.
The main reason for not trying to “actively get back together” for some time is to give your ex time to adjust to the idea of getting back together. But it’s also to give yourself time to show your ex that you have changed.
But even more importantly, if your ex is suddenly pulling back, not trying to “actively get back together” for some time helps slow things down; at least until your ex’s feelings for you have caught up with your feelings for them. It ensures that your ex does not feel pressured to come back and also ensures you are not getting far ahead of your ex’s feelings for you.
No doubt this requires a shift in thinking, but it may well just be your only chance of getting back your ex.
Given the choice between what feels good right now and what’s right long term, go with what’s right long term. Whatever happens, you will never regret it because it was the right decision.