Fearful Avoidant Ex Asked For More Time To Make a Decision

One thing that almost all fearful avoidant exes do is ask for more time and/or space to decide whether they’ll come back or not. If you are not aware that almost all fearful avoidants do this, you will get very anxious and jump to the most negative outcome, which is, they’re pulling away, they’re not interested, they don’t have any more feelings for you and/or a fearful avoidant ex is not coming back. But a fearful avoidant asking for time and/or space to decide whether they’ll come back or not is actually a good thing because it means they’re considering a future with you (again).

Usually you can tell an ex doesn’t see a future with you they’ll:

  1. Tell you they move on and stop holding onto hope.
  2. Completely stop responding. You reach out more than five times and still no response.
  3. Ask you not to contact them, go no contact and never reach out.
  4. Unfollow you and/or block you and don’t unblock you even once.
  5. Start a serious relationship with someone new (or go back with an ex) etc.

But when it comes to fearful avoidants, most of the time it’s up to you to guess if they still see a future with your or done for good. Many fearful avoidants will respond when you reach out until you 1) figure it out on your own that they’re just being polite or 2) pressure them to tell you if there is a future for the two of you.

And even after telling you that there’s no future for the two of you or that you’ll never get back together, many fearful avoidant exes still act in ways that make you think that maybe, just maybe there is still hope and they’re just right now not ready or are still undecided.

With an attachment style where both things can be true at the same time, for example, want to get close but pull away instead, don’t want to break up but do so because they fear their ex was going to breakup with them, don’t reach out after the breakup but hope their ex reaches out, rebound because they still love an ex etc., the intuitive feeling you have that there is still hope that a fearful avoidant still sees a future with you may not be completely off.

If contact is frequent, the attraction is still there, the feelings are still strong, a fearful avoidant is reaching out, you’re emotionally connecting, hanging out and talking about getting back together, but a fearful avoidant just can’t let themselves take that last step to getting back together, fear is holding them back.

In my experience when things get to this point, it’s almost guaranteed that a fearful avoidant will come back eventually, they need is more time. They want to come back and will come back but being a fearful avoidant, your ex is struggling with: 1) Trusting their own feelings, ability to make the right decision and stick with it and 2) Trusting you and trusting that things will not go back to how they were or get worse.

Sometimes a fearful avoidant who is thinking of coming back with ask for more time (and space) to figure things out for themselves, but very often fearful avoidants want things to continue moving forward but need more time to make a decision about coming back.

How fast they will make a decision to come back depends on whether a fearful avoidant 1a) needs time to prove to themselves that they’ve changed enough for the relationship to work or b) needs time to prove that you have changed enough for the relationship to work.

Fearful avoidants who need time to prove to themselves that they’ve changed enough for the relationship to work will often come back within 2 – 6 weeks of saying they need more time. Many ask you to be patient while they sort themselves out, and others share with you their growth journey almost like they’re saying, “Bear with me. I need time to change to be a good enough for you.”

Fearful avoidants who need time to prove that you have changed enough for the relationship to work will take longer to make the final decision to come back. You may find that they keep revisiting the past and talking about the same problems over and over. This is often because they’re comparing what it was like then and what they can expect in the future and not convinced yet that the relationship will work.

It’s only when a fearful avoidant ex starts talking more about what can be better and how the relationship can improve more often than they talk about the past, that you know for sure that they’re very close to making the decision to come back. They’re no longer looking back at the past, they’re looking at the future even if they’re still not ready to come back.


How to Be Consistent With A Fearful Avoidant Ex

How To Support A Fearful Avoidant Ex And Earn Their Trust

How Do You Reassure A Fearful Avoidant Ex?

How To Deal With An Avoidant Ex’s Inconsistent Contact

How to Deal With A Dismissive Avoidant Ex Slow Replies

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