One reason why some people never reach out to their ex, let alone try to get back their ex is because they are afraid they’ll be rejected.
Justifiable fear, I must add. They rejected you before, what guarantees do you have that they won’t reject you again?
My answer… none. You may reach out to your ex and he/she will not respond. You may try to get your ex back and they don’t want you back.
This is the reality, not of just trying to get your ex back but of most things in life. It’s the reality that you must accept especially when dealing with another human being, whether it be your partner, friend, sibling, parent, child or even a perfect stranger. The potential for rejection (of your ideas, dreams, love, and even who you are) is always there.
So what do you in a world with the risk of rejection everywhere?
Face the reality of rejection with realistic expectations. This is not the same as “have no expectations (that’s not even human). Of course we have expectations, even when we say we don’t. There is nothing wrong with having expectations. Expectations only become a problem when they are unrealistic.
A realistic view of rejection is one which accepts that:
- There are no “guarantees” except the guarantee that the more risks you take, the more your chances of getting what you want.
- Some times you “win” and sometimes you “lose”.
- If you don’t succeed the first time, try again.
- If something is not working, try something else.
- It’s not always about you. Sometimes it’s about the other person. Sometimes it’s about it being the wrong time, or the wrong place. And sometimes it just is. People fall out of love all the time. Relationships end all the time. People get rejected all the time. Rejection is part of life. Accept it.
The more you fear rejection, the more likely you are to be rejected. It’s a self-fulfilling prophesy. Fear of rejection creates a feedback loop in which high sensitivity to rejection leads to alertness to rejection cues which leads to negative behaviours which lead to rejection which lead to decreased self-esteem which leads to high sensitivity to rejection. You get the picture…