Dumped Again? Why You? Not A Great Catch?

who-is-showing-up-for-your-relationshipsSo, you’ve been dumped yet again?

Sad, but what’s new?

By now you probably know that this is the story of your life. Great catch with everything anyone would want in a partner. And unlike some people who have decided relationships is not for them and want to be single, you on the other hand want to be loved. You want to be in a happy fulfilling relationship. You genuinely put your heart, mind and body into your relationships, and do your best to be that “partner” every man or woman dreams about.

You just don’t understand why it’s never enough. Why time and time again you find yourself, single and alone.

Every time a relationship ends you ask yourself, why me?

There could be one hundred and one reasons why you, including the kind of people you choose to have a relationship with.

The one question very few of us ask ourselves is: “Who shows up for my relationships?”

Many of us assume, we do. But the reality is many of us don’t make the decisions for our relationships, and very few of us are showing up in our relationships.

Who shows up for your relationships? Is it the person you want others to see, accept and love? The one trying so hard to be the “right one”? To say the “right” words and do the “right” things people in relationships are supposed to?

Who makes the decisions for and in your relationship? Society? Your parents? Your friends? Your therapist/coach? Your church/religion?

If despite being great catch you are feel that they have to be a certain way, and say or do the “right” things to be accepted and loved. You are being emotionally dishonest.

One of my favourite descriptions of emotional honesty is by Kevin Everett FitzMaurice in his book “The Secret of Maturity”.

He describes emotional honesty as:

“The willingness of the person to know and own their own feelings. This is a necessary step to self-understanding and acceptance. When we are always true to what we feel: we do not hide, stuff, suppress, or repress what we feel, but honestly experience all of our feelings as they arise without the critical voices we hear inside trying to change, control, or condemn us”.

Men and women who are emotionally dishonest have all these theories, beliefs, expectations and rules picked up, adopted and co-opted from society, parents, peers/friends, church/religion, “experts” and the internet. Most of the time, they don’t even really know who they are and what they really feel, let alone what they want or need.

They are trying to think, act and be what is expected of them not realizing that the reason their relationships go nowhere, suddenly end or end nasty (with no possibility of a friendship) is because they are not showing up for their relationships. They are not making the decisions for and in their relationships but instead outsourcing their relationship decisions to society, parents, peers/friends, church/religion, “experts” and the internet.

They are not playing full out and not expressing themselves authentically. Most men and women after a while feel burned out because they are acting a role that’s unrealistic and unattainable. No wonder, no one is buying.

So… Who decided whether to contact your ex, wait 30 days or not at all? Who everyday picks up the phone and sends your ex texts or makes your phone calls? Society? Your parents? Your friends? Your therapist? Get Back Your Ex “Expert”? , the internet?

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