Question: I need to know if my ex needs more time to figure out what she wants or leading me on and has no intention to get back with me?
We talk everyday and she has said maybe we’ll get back together. But while my heart tells me to give her time to figure out what she wants; my head tells me she is leading me on. How do I know if I’m being led on by my ex? What can I do if I am?
Yangki’s Answer: I wrote an article on 12 Signs Your Ex Is Friendly And Polite But Doesn’t Want You Back, you might want to read it.
1. How do you know if your ex is leading you on?
The main difference between an ex who is genuinely trying to figure out what they want and one using “I need time to figure out what I want” to lead you on; is how much they care about a relationship with you and the effort they put into maintaining it.
Someone who is leading you on doesn’t care how their words and actions affect any future relationship with you. The only say or do things that benefit them and themselves alone. You’re there to meet their own selfish needs. They don’t care if you feel you are being led on because they don’t care if there will be a future relationship.
As ex who is genuinely trying to figure things out and needs time will make sure that their taking time to figure things out; does not hurt any future chance of a getting back together. They will make some kind of effort to reassure you that this is something they needs to do for themselves; and they’re not trying to hurt you. They also understand that any future relationship depends on them doing their part to sustain the relationship.
If you contact them, they’ll respond and if they say they’ll contact you later, they’ll follow up on it. If you want to talk they’ll listen, acknowledge and validate your feelings about the situation. But they will be firm on their decision to focus on what on figuring out what they want.
2. What can you do if you’re being led on?
Based on what you said, your ex seems honest about needing time to figure things out; and doing her part to keep the lines of communication open.
Give her the time she needs to figure things out. The worst thing that can happen is for you to get back together; then she breaks up with you again because she needs to figure out what she wants. It’s a waste of your emotions, time and life.
How much time you give her depends on you. Don’t put your life on hold. Keep the door open but live your life because she may need month or even a year; and who knows maybe she will change her mind about getting back together.
Thank you for this article. Missing someone is different for everyone. For some, it hits as soon as the person leaves our side. For others, it takes a while. I missed my ex the moment she walked away but my ex says she started missing me after a month. She says she distracts herself from missing me by going out with her friends and focusing on her career. It sucks to hear but she is determined to move on with her life. I miss her everyday second but there is nothing I can do. I wish her the best.
Thank you, I will definitely continue my work. I’ve read your book once, I’m taking your ecourse, and I’m reading the book a second time. I feel like she is trying to keep me distant (and not just the physical distance of being in another state), but with persistence and your plan I will get there! Thank you so much for everything you do.
My ex and I have been talking on the phone once a week for the last 3 weeks for about an hour each time. Prior to reading your books or blogs I made the mistake of asking about a us in the future, but she said that she “want’s to do the single thing for awhile.”
She has said she still has very strong feelings for me and the breakup was the worst day of her life. Do you think she is just trying to be polite and avoiding a hard conversation again?
I think she’s just not ready for that conversation yet. Sometimes it’s the when and how you bring up the topic that makes all the difference, especially in a case like yours where the feelings are still strong. If you bring it up when there is no strong foundation for the conversation, you’ll get mixed responses because the person is torn between how they FEEL about you and what they THINK about being in a relationship with you. If those two don’t align, there’ll be mixed signals.
Work on laying a strong foundation for a positive outcome. It’s all in the book.