What It REALLY Means To Let Go Of The Past

Until you have been THERE — stripped of knowing, of having and of labels (friend, boy/girlfriend, partner, fiance/fiancée, husband/wife etc), you will always have a hard time letting go of what you think you have. You will always have a hard time letting go what you think you know (beliefs, opinions, views, thoughts, emotions, etc). You will always have a hard time letting go the people in your life to whom you have attached your identity and your happiness.

When you can stand THERE — not knowing, not having and not “anybody” — all emotions attached to being dumped or to the end of a relationship you didn’t want to end, are released because there is NOTHING to hold on THERE.

You simply can’t hold onto nothing. You can’t hold on to the past because you have nothing that is holding you emotionally attached to it. You can’t hold on to the future because you know/expect nothing. And you can’t feel the pain from your bruised or wounded ego because you are not “anybody” (friend, boy/girlfriend, partner, fiance/fiancée, husband/wife etc).

You are unbound. You are unlimited. You are open to all experiences, open to all possibilities, open to all opportunities, open to love free of the constraints of the ego.

You have not only moved on from your ex– you have also moved on from your wounded ego. You are healed.

When you are healed, you’ve let go. You have let go what used to be for what can be.

Whether or not to stay in contact with your ex, or spend time with him/her is irrelevant because you are not holding on to the past or worried about the future. You are operating from a place of no limitations and no constraints (put there to protect the ego). You are open to what can be — and what can be is limitless.

Instead of putting all your effort into trying to erase any traces of your ex in your life, while continuing to write commentaries, rant, name-call, talk, blog and write books about the person you say you want out of your life, try putting that same effort into letting go instead.

Allow yourself to stand still (THERE) in limbo. Don’t run away from the experience. Don’t try to change it to what you’d like it to be. Don’t try to rush it so you can “move on”. Just let it be for a while. See what comes up. Deal with it head-on, and let it go.

I guarantee you, you will have your breakthrough. It will most likely not be in the way you think, the way you imagine or the way you want — which are all the ego’s attempts to control the experience and protect itself.

You may even really surprise yourself with just how much love you really have — for yourself, for your ex and for so many others.

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  1. says: Sim

    This is lovely. I think I experienced this a little the last time I saw my ex (last week). I was desperate to get her back, but decided instead to try to let go of that, and just go say goodbye (before I left her country). We spent a truly lovely short evening together, laughing and talking and it felt as if nothing had happened before between us; no break up, no relationship even. There was only that moment in the present and it was joyful.

    Thanks for all your great articles!

  2. says: Melanie

    Yangki that was a deep article touching so many truths when it comes to acting from a wounded ego,not wanting to accept a break up and a situation. The only way is turning inwards,standing in peace with your self and loving yourself.
    I wanted to ask also if the other person becomes emotionally distant and doesnt show as much interest but insists on the reason being certain life problems,how do you know if you should not give up on them and the relationship…how can you know if they are just trying not to hurt your feelings..

  3. says: Lia

    Is it so is it weird that I still love my ex? We have no contact for 2 years and I don’t ever want to get back with him for sure, but a part of me still loves him. I think I miss who I was when I was with him more than the relationship itself. Does that even make sense?

    1. Not weird at all. If you truly love someone, you never “get over” him/her. You can move on but you can’t erase the fact that for a point in time, they reflected back to you a apart of yourself. They held a mirror for you so you could see yourself more clearly.

      How we react when the relationship ends depends on whether we appreciate/liked what they reflected back to us, or whether were uncomfortable with what was reflected back to us.