Do I Give My Ex Space Until His Feelings For Me Come Back?

Question: Yangki what about if they say they lost feelings for you but also say they are open to trying things again? Do I give them space until the feelings come back? How long does it take for feelings to come back?

Yangki’s Answer: It depends on what you mean by “give space”. If you mean “leave him/her alone for a while”, how do you think the feelings will come back?

But if you mean not pressure him to get back together, then yes.

Feelings of love (better known as feeling in love) do come back. I see it happen all the time, but it doesn’t happen without effort to try to make them come back (if you want a come back that will last).

1) You need to figure out the reason he/she lost his/her feelings for you into he first place.

Usually it’s more than one reason, but it could also be one single reason that kept happening over and over. E.g. contact arguments or fighting, needy behaviours or you letting yourself go (not making effort to be attractive). But sometimes people also lose feelings due to depression.

2) Take steps eliminate the “the reason or reasons” he/she lost feelings .

If it’s contact arguments or fighting for example, you need to learn new ways of communication your point of view or feelings without things ending into an argument/fight. Without new skills/tools/strategies, it’ll be hard to convince him/her that things will be better.

If it’s because you stopped trying to make yourself attractive, then you need to get back to being attractive.

If it’s because you were needy or demanded too much of his/her time, you need to learn how to maintain contact without getting needy or be in his/her life without suffocating him/her.

3) Present a better vision of a new relationship, 

Your ex needs to see that a better relationship, one which does not have whatever ‘reason (s)” he /she lost feelings in the first place is possible.

This website is a very useful resource for doing just that. Read as many articles as you can. If you need help with 1, 2 or 3, you can always sign up for a coaching session and I can help set you on the right path.

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