Do Exes Really Ever Come Back?

Do exes really ever come back?

Yes, exes do come back and yes, a relationship can work after a break-up.

What most people do not realize or know is that most exes when they break-up with you think it’s over, they are not coming back. They are not thinking… “I am breaking up with you, but we’ll get back together”.

They are thinking…

  • I am not happy/I am miserable and I don’t like it
  • I don’t feel this relationship is working for me
  • I can’t do what I want to do with you around, I need my space
  • We’re hurting each other and I need to get away from you
  • I don’t like you the way I used to
  • I don’t see a future with you, etc

They are not thinking of getting back together at this point because they are thinking of themselves, how they feel and what they want– and rightly so.

The ex leaving because of how he/she FEELS (e.g. is not happy, feels you’re growing apart, does not feel in love anymore, feels smothered, pressured for commitment etc) does not think he/she can feel differently.

The ex leaving because the relationship is NOT WORKING for him/her (e.g. too many arguments/fights, communication problems, you want different things, etc) does not think things can get better.

Even exes that say “may be we’ll get back together in the future” or “we’ll see what happens in two months” or “if it’s meant to be it’ll be” etc., are not promising that you’ll get back together. Rather, they are leaving the door open for all possibilities — including the possibility that you’ll go your separate ways,

But since feelings can and do change, and too many arguments/fights and communication problems can be worked on, there is always a chance that an ex can come back — and many of them do.

When working with my clients, I am always looking for what it is that is within our control that we can work together change to either inspire an ex to feel differently or see that the relationship can work again, and work better.

Unlike most approaches that advice no-contact, I prefer working with my clients to create a positive environment in which love can develop and grow. Years of experience have taught me that the only way you can convince your ex that the relationship can work again is if you can inspire him/her to feel differently about you, and about being in a relationship with you again. How much contact, when to make contact and all that other stuff that too many people waste time on mean absolutely NOTHING if your ex thinks you are still the same person they fell out of love with, or if they can’t see how the relationship can work better.

My point is: Don’t be discouraged from trying to get back your ex simply because right now your ex is saying it’s over and he/she is not changing his/her mind.

As long as the lines of communication are open, there is always a possibility that feelings can be changed and a new and better relationship can develop. Your job is to create the environment for that to happen.

It takes work and it takes time, but it’s possible.

When you feel discouraged and want to give up, these 20 Success Stories of readers like you who got back their ex might help!

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NelliLove Doctor, Yangki AkitengAngieAngieElizabeth Recent comment authors

Hi Yangki. I was skeptical about buying your ebook. I bought a couple of them that recommended using no contact and it just made my ex more angry. We had no contact for 45 days he, tried reaching out but I did not respond. He later told me I was playing mind games and he hates mind game. Since applying the advice in your ebook, his deamenure and attitude have completely changed. He is not angry anymore, started sending me jokes and calling me “babe” the way he used to. We seemed closer to getting back together but then I messed up again when he did not respond to my text for a day. He told me he does not want the drama again and was a bit distant. It really scared me, so I bought your It’s Just A Break-Up and what an eye opener. It’s clear that I had not dealt with many of my emotions at all. I am reading through it the second time and doing the exercises. We talk every day and I hope to get things back on track. Ironically, this is the calmest I have felt since the breakup. It’s like a load… Read more »

Swastika Sudeshni Devi
Swastika Sudeshni Devi

Hi there I have some issues with my relationship that has ended recently. Is it possible to get some advice regarding it

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Yangki, you site helped me very much when I was trying to get back my ex. Unfortunately, it did not work out. After a month of contact, I realized my feelings for him have changed. We had reached a stage where we were both initiating contact but it was like we were forcing it. We both agreed that it is best to go our separate ways but we will keep in touch on updates on each other’s lives. I wish things had been different but I have no regrets as your advice helped me allow things to come to their natural conclusion. Thank you

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Your website is so helpful and spreads such a positive message. My ex broke up with me two months ago after 5 years. I still loved her but she says for the moment we can only be friends to see if there is anything left of the old relationship. I hope one day she realizes that what we got is so much more valuable.

Thank you for your encouraging words.

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Yangki, in your experience are there cases where an ex does not come back? As a coach how do you approach advising someone in that position?

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