Do exes really ever come back?
Yes, exes do come back and yes, a relationship can work after a break-up.
What most people do not realize or know is that most exes when they break-up with you think it’s over, they are not coming back. They are not thinking… “I am breaking up with you, but we’ll get back together”.
They are thinking…
- I am not happy/I am miserable and I don’t like it
- I don’t feel this relationship is working for me
- I can’t do what I want to do with you around, I need my space
- We’re hurting each other and I need to get away from you
- I don’t like you the way I used to
- I don’t see a future with you, etc
They are not thinking of getting back together at this point because they are thinking of themselves, how they feel and what they want– and rightly so.
The ex leaving because of how he/she FEELS (e.g. is not happy, feels you’re growing apart, does not feel in love anymore, feels smothered, pressured for commitment etc) does not think he/she can feel differently.
The ex leaving because the relationship is NOT WORKING for him/her (e.g. too many arguments/fights, communication problems, you want different things, etc) does not think things can get better.
Even exes that say “may be we’ll get back together in the future” or “we’ll see what happens in two months” or “if it’s meant to be it’ll be” etc., are not promising that you’ll get back together. Rather, they are leaving the door open for all possibilities — including the possibility that you’ll go your separate ways,
But since feelings can and do change, and too many arguments/fights and communication problems can be worked on, there is always a chance that an ex can come back — and many of them do.
When working with my clients, I am always looking for what it is that is within our control that we can work together change to either inspire an ex to feel differently or see that the relationship can work again, and work better.
Unlike most approaches that advice no-contact, I prefer working with my clients to create a positive environment in which love can develop and grow. Years of experience have taught me that the only way you can convince your ex that the relationship can work again is if you can inspire him/her to feel differently about you, and about being in a relationship with you again. How much contact, when to make contact and all that other stuff that too many people waste time on mean absolutely NOTHING if your ex thinks you are still the same person they fell out of love with, or if they can’t see how the relationship can work better.
My point is: Don’t be discouraged from trying to get back your ex simply because right now your ex is saying it’s over and he/she is not changing his/her mind.
As long as the lines of communication are open, there is always a possibility that feelings can be changed and a new and better relationship can develop. Your job is to create the environment for that to happen.
It takes work and it takes time, but it’s possible.
When you feel discouraged and want to give up, these 20 Success Stories of readers like you who got back their ex might help!