Do Dismissive Avoidants Feel Loneliness After A Breakup?

It’s a well-known that dismissive avoidants are highly independent, do not prioritize relationships and need lots of space, and do not often come back after a breakup, but how do they really feel when someone walks away from the relationship or when left alone? Do they feel ashamed for not being able to sustain a long-term relationship? Do they feel lonely?

Some dismissive avoidants feel ashamed of not being able to sustain a long-term relationship, but the majority of dismissive avoidants genuinely enjoy their own company more than they enjoy relationships. When you walk away from them, a dismissive avoidant will feel your absence but they will not see your absence as leading to loneliness because dismissive avoidants generally do not expect much from others, or depend on others for their sense of worth or to feel complete.

Dismissive avoidants embrace “aloneness” as a part of their individuality and strength

To further understand how dismissive avoidants feel when left alone, it’s important to understand that dismissive avoidants embrace “aloneness”. They’re perfectly comfortable and happy being alone without feelings lonely. If you’re not a dismissive avoidant, its hard to wrap your mind around feeling comfortable with the absence of connection and interaction or feeling isolation but without feeling lonely. You think everybody craves connection and interaction and dismissive avoidants are stubbornly choosing not to act on their craving. You couldn’t be more wrong.

Aloneness protects dismissive avoidants from loneliness. People who experience loneliness feel the absence of connection and interaction and want to end the unpleasant feeling, but someone who prioritizes being alone does not feel loneliness because they do not feel distressed by the absence of connection and interaction. They may feel isolation but without feeling lonely because there’s no distress in being alone and no longing for connection or interaction. It’s their comfort with aloneness that has earned dismissive avoidants monikers like loner, lone wolf, drifter, rolling stone, rebel spirit, etc.; monikers many dismissive avoidants embrace and use to describe themselves.

Dismissive avoidants are more afraid of relationships than they’re afraid of being alone

While anxiously attached and anxious-leaning fearful avoidants are terrified of being alone, dismissive avoidants are actually more afraid of relationships than they’re afraid of being alone. And unlike fearful avoidants who avoid relationships out of fear of rejection and/or abandonment, dismissive avoidants avoid close relationships to avoid the stress and complications of being in a close-relationship.

What they feel and think is … Here come expectations… I take care of myself and now I have to take care of your needs too… Less time for myself… I’m not responsible for your feelings… You’re trying to change me so you can control me… Can’t I just have some peace and quiet… I don’t have to listen to you complain about what a bad person I am…Leave if you want, I don’t care… I don’t ask you for anything or need anything from you… This is why I don’t want relationships… This is too much… I miss being by myself… I can’t. I just can’t… Bye.

The dismissive avoidant thinking is, why would I put myself through all the stress and messiness of a relationship when I can be happy on my own? Some dismissive avoidants even feel “lucky” that they are completely and perfectly happy all on their own.

Being alone gives dismissive avoidants the independence and autonomy that is fundamental to their attachment style. Being alone allows them to escape the expectations, unnecessary dramas and misunderstandings that come with romantic relationships.

The fact that dismissive avoidant embrace “aloneness” and see it as a strength of their attachment style does not mean that dismissive avoidants don’t enjoy romantic relationship. Just like everyone else, dismissive avoidants the feeling of being loved otherwise they wouldn’t be trying to get into relationships. The difference between dismissive avoidants and anxiously attached or fearful avoidants is that dismissive avoidants don’t worry about a romantic relationship ending. They know that they will be fine on their own, better than fine as a matter of fact.

So when you walk away and leave them alone, a dismissive avoidant will think about it like for a few minutes and shrug it off. As far as they’re concerned, no one is that important to fall part over. Some dismissive avoidants even gain more respect for someone walking away from a relationship that they’re not happy in because that’s something they themselves would do, especially if there is incompatibility and/or lots of emotional stress.

Knowing how dismissive avoidants feel about being alone helps you understand their mindset when you walk away and leave them alone. It also helps you appreciate Why A Dismissive Avoidant Ex Reaching Out After a Breakup Is A Big Deal, and help you respond in a way that makes a dismissive avoidant ex prioritize a relationship with you.

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