Does My Dismissive Avoidant Ex Ever Think About Me?

Question: Does my dismissive avoidant ex ever think about me? 

My dismissive avoidant ex broke up with me three months ago but we stayed as friends and text or call each other often. She acts like she wants to get back together but when I tell her I love her and miss her, she does not respond. One time I asked her if she still love me and got no reply back. When I pressed her on if we will ever get back together, she said she’ll think about it but thinks we’d better off with other people. I’ve heard from mutual friends that she isn’t dating anyone else, and they say she still loves me and is not over me. But I don’t know. She’s never said she still loves me or misses me. My question to you is, do dismissive avoidant exes ever think about you? Do they miss their exes or are they too proud to admit they miss them?

Yangki’s Answer: Do dismissive avoidant exes ever think about you? Yes, they do, but dismissive avoidants keep their thoughts and feelings to themselves as explained in this article.

Dismissive avoidants typically are not people who prioritize relationships or spend much time thinking about someone they love and care about. I’m sure that at some point in your relationship you must asked yourself, “Do they care about me? Don’t I mean something to them?”.

And almost everyone I’ve talked to who is trying to get back with their dismissive avoidant ex has told me that they sometimes wonder if their dismissive avoidant ex misses them.

When a dismissive avoidant thinks of you…

When a dismissive avoidant ex thinks about you, they may think of you affectionately and caringly, but somehow their brain finds a way to try to keep you at an emotional distance.

They think of you, then they start having questions:

• If they ever truly love you
• If you were trying to change them or control them
• If the relationship is what they want
• If you’re right for them
• If they were right to breakup etc.

These questions trigger emotions  which dismissive avoidants immediately put a stop to because it makes them uncomfortable to think about those things.

It doesn’t matter if the feelings are positive or negative, they just don’t want to deal with them and so suppress them.

It doesn’t mean that they don’t miss the connection you had and the good memories. It’s just that they don’t feel comfortable thinking about or talking about things that stir strong emotions.

In your case, there are a few things going for you:

1. She’s showing that she’s willing to consider getting back together

This coming from a dismissive avoidant means something because dismissive avoidants often prefer clean breaks. They don’t handle entagelments very well, so when she says she’ll think about it, it’s her way of saying she might or might not want to get back together.

2. She not dating anyone

No tonly is she not dating anyone, she told your mutual friends knowing that they would tell you. And for them to say, she still loves you and is not over you, she may have said more or they could just tell.

3. She acts like she wants to get back together

Many dismissive avoidants say they want to be friends and even ask to be friends after the breakup, but the dynamic often stays the same as in the relationship: you doing all the work to stay friends.

You’ve stayed friends for three months ago and she’s putting in the effort to text or call often, that says she’s emotionally invested in keeping the connection.

4. She does not distance when you tell her you love her

Dismissive avoidant don’t typically say “I miss you” or “I was thinking of you” or “I miss you” or even “This reminded me of you”. So it’s normal for their attachment style not to respond because that’s too much vulnerability for them.

The telling sign here is that she does not pull back or become distant when you tell you love her and miss her.

I’m not saying you will get back together, a lot could happen in the coming weeks or months, but overall, for a dismissive avoidant ex, things are good for you.

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Dismissive Avoidants And “Longing” For An Ex (Explained)

How I Handled Break-Ups As A Dismissive Avoidant Ex

What Makes A Dismissive Avoidant Ex Miss You And Come Back?