No one plans to fall in love only to get hurt. But it happens, and when it does, it hurts.
Because it hurts, many of us conclude that “love hurts”.
And since “love” is something physical we can point a finger at and say “you hurt me”, we try to find someone or something to blame for our hurt and pain. Most of us blame the person we fell in love with. We also blame our parents (or blame his/her parents). We blame our exes/past relationships. We blame our therapist. These days we even blame strangers on the internet for giving us “bad relationship advice”.
The rest of us blame ourselves. We tell ourselves that we are hurting because we made the “mistake” of falling in love.
And because we think we were hurt by “love”, we start acting as if “love” is an enemy to watch carefully, and to protect ourselves from.
Some of us build mental and emotional walls around us to protect us from “love”. We label those walls: “there are no good men“, “all men are cheats” “all women are manipulative“, “the women I am attracted to can never be attracted to me“, “it is impossible to find true love“, “love hurts” etc.
We keep ourselves locked behind the walls of our mental and emotional prison, sometimes for years or an entire lifetime. It seems easier to stay shut down than risk to open up and get hurt again.
Each time we meet a wonderful man or woman, we feel excited but underneath that excitement is deep concern and fear.
What if I’m again making a mistake? What if this relationship also ends? What if I get hurt again?
The irony is that things will most likely end up the same way. You will get hurt again. And again. And again.
But it’s not love that is hurting you. Love does not hurt.
What is hurting you is your own beliefs about love.
When you approach love with a “love hurts” mindset, you will act with fear, defensive reactions and deep-seated insecurities because you “expect” love to hurt. It’s those fears, defensive reactions and deep-seated insecurities that eventually cause the relationship to end.
But you will not see it that way. You will react to your hurt as something “done” to you. You will see yourself as a “victim” of the break-up, a victim of your ex, a victim of other peoples interference, a victim of your mistakes, a victim of love.
The saddest part of all, you will get hurt again. And again. And again.
The more you get hurt, the more mental and emotional walls you erect.
How many walls do you have built around your heart? Do your walls have labels on the doors? How does it feel hiding behind those walls? Does part of you wish you knew how to come out?
You can by tearing down those mental and emotional walls you’ve been building around you to protect yourself from getting hurt “by love”
Love does not hurt, and falling in love is never a mistake if the experience elevates you to a better lover.
Sometimes we get hurt, it happens.