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You're allowing them to experience what being connected to you feels like without the pressure of immediately becoming a couple.
Even in a friendship, they keep saying, “I don’t want a relationship" because they’re experiencing the friendship as a relationship.
Being friends becomes the clearest evidence that there is no future for the two of you as a couple – not in the near future anyway.
Research shows that after a breakup attachment bonds do not immediately dissolve just because a relationship ends.
If you’re thinking: We’ll be friends for a while then get back together”, you may need a reality check
With avoidants who naturally prefer a clear structure for relating, having to guess what is okay and not okay can create even more distance.
If you’re over-sharing, you risk pulling them into a level of closeness that doesn’t match the reality of being just friends.
With the right mindset, communication and execution, being friends can be your best strategy for getting them back – or your only option.
I don’t want him thinking he can have access to me without commitment. This doesn't work for me. I still have feelings for him.
The short anwer is yes. The mistake wasn’t becoming friends. The mistake was allowing the friendship to function without clarity.
