Can You Get Back the Spiritual Connection You Had With Your Ex?

“We looked into each other’s eyes and it’s like we have always know each other”

“We had a special connection; we completed each other’s sentences”

“It’s like something gout of this world, I’ve never felt anything like this with anyone else”

“There is jut something about him/her, they’re not like anybody I have ever met”

These are some of the words many of my clients use to describe the relationship they had with their ex — and I believe them wholeheartedly. It is possible to have such a strong connection with someone on a deep level that is beyond words. This connection can happen in many different ways – a look, a tone of voice, words spoken, their essence or energy etc.

When we are with them, we feel more alive, and everything around us feel more alive. Some people call this a soulmate connection, twin flames, spiritual connection, energetic connection etc. Whatever you call it, it’s real, it’s there and it’s powerful.

But why, after a few months or years does that “special connection” begin to fade or even completely disappear?

Some people say, “the honeymoon period is over” and this is true. There comes a time in every relationship when the adrenaline that fueled the excitement, the carefree fun dates and intimacy runs low. But those of you who have experienced the deep spiritual or energetic connection know it’s more than adrenaline. It’s more than feelings. It’s a “knowing”.

The most common reason people give for losing that “special connection” is “poor communication”, and they are probably right.

In today’s fast paced digital world where communication must be simple enough to allow for as many people to understand it as possible, not many people are interested or even focused enough to want to really know the person behind the words or screen.

As someone put it, all we want to know is:

  • What’s happening?
  • Where’s it happening?
  • When’s it going to happen?
  • How’s it going to happen?

And unfortunately, this is the same attitude and approach many of us have towards our relationships and the mindset we have when trying to attract back an ex. In the few moments we focus on the person behind the words or screen, it’s usually because we want something from them: Where’s my text message? Where’s my response? Where’s my commitment? Where’s my orgasm? Where the attention, affection and time you are supposed to give me? Where’s feeling I should be feeling?

We lose that deep spiritual connection or energetic connection when we stop “seeing each other” or when one person “hides” themselves (e.g. walling off, emotionally distancing, keeping secrets, playing mind games, distrust etc).

We get into the whirlwind of romance or get caught up in the fears and trappings of the ego (“I don’t want to get hurt”, “I don’t want to look like I love more”, “I want them to miss me” etc) and forget why we were drawn to this one person in the first place. What was it about them that we felt so strongly drawn to?

Some of us who are self-aware and emotionally deep enough to understand that we lost something special, and the energetic connection that was once there is gone, try to seek answers. But most of the time we stop at we are having “communication problems” and employ all the positive communications skills (listening, validating, affirming etc) and also the non-positive ones (nagging, complaining, yelling, silent treatment, no contact etc).
But nothing works… why? Because it is not about “poor communication”.

I’ve seen thousands of clients work on their “communication skills” (being polite, calm and even submissive) but still get no where and don’t understand why.

Your communications skills may actually be really good and the problem is that you are not ‘seeing” the person you are trying to communicate with.

You may be seeing their gender (all women want this or all men do that), you may be seeing them as their culture (Germans are like this, Mexicans are like that), you may be seeing them as their attachment style (he is a dismissive avoidant, she’s a fearful avoidant), but not seeing them as the unique individual you had an intense deep energetic connection with; a connection that you have never had with any other man or woman, securely or insecurely attached.

I can’t count how many times I have felt frustrated when a client is so focused on “what’s wrong with their ex” as if all it takes to attract back their ex is “fix” what’s wrong with them. Some people even treat their ex’s attachment style as if it’s a flaw, a disability or weakness instead of a tool for understanding, empathy and connection.

Can you get back the spiritual connection you had with your ex?

Yes. If you want to get back that special connection where when you look into each other’s eyes, it’s like you have always known each other, you have to learn to ‘see each other” again. By “see them again”, I don’t mean try to meet up or spend time together.

“Seeing each other” is accepting the other person as they are and allowing them to be without judging them or trying to ‘fix them”.

“Seeing each other” is allowing yourself to be seen by them without an “agenda” other than wanting to connect on a deeper level.

“Seeing each other” is being with the other person, in that moment — open and vulnerable.

“Seeing each other” is essentially focusing your time and energy getting to really know who your ex has become since you last knew them and allowing them to really see who you have become and are becoming.

This is not something you can force or manipulate someone into doing, and sometimes it’s harder with your ex because they either have been hurt before or are scared of getting hurt, so they “block” you from “seeing” them. But if you calmly, humbly and persistently “seek” their “permission” to “see” them again, they may give it to you.

The risk is that you could get hurt. Your ex may not like the person they “see”, especially if that person is still desperate, angry, guarded, manipulative, selfish etc. No great listening, validating, affirming skills or calm soothing tone of voice will make your ex want to come back.

So before you go seeking that deep spiritual or energetic soulmate connection you once had with your ex, make sure the person your ex sees is the person they want to be connected to.

RELATED: The Secure Base An Avoidant Ex Needs To Feel Safe And Secure

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