You met an amazing human and hit it off right away. They are so into you, and you are so into them. The first weeks or months are like something out of a romance movie. They are attentive, affectionate, caring, supportive and want to spend so much with you. Even when they are busy, they make the effort to text or call. Things seem to be going really well. You have never been happier.
But then things start to change. The texts become less frequent and less spontaneous. It takes them more and more time to respond. Some days they do not respond at all. If you ask them if everything is okay, they say they has just been busy. But if you don’t make the effort to contact them, you don’t talk for days.
They seem to have changed in a very short period of time. The same person who was so attentive, affectionate, and caring, has gone from wanting to see you everyday to avoiding being with you. They are acting cold and distant, and not as open with you anymore. The sex is not only less frequent, but also different.
All the signs are there that they’re losing interest, but you pray and hope that things will go back to how they were in the beginning real soon. Then one day, they tell you that it is not working for them, they don’t see a future with you or they want to date other people.
How could this be? Just a couple of weeks ago they were all over you and couldn’t get enough of you, and now it’s over? It doesn’t make sense. You felt it, and they felt it. It was real. It was strong. It was intense. It was amazing.
And now it’s over? Just like that?
Maybe not. Things could have just gotten off to a bad start even when it felt great. The feelings were there, they were real but not strong enough to move things from attraction to a real relationship.
And while you are freaking out, completely devastated, unable to understand why, they are relaxed about it even to a point where they seem like a cold-hearted narcissist who has no empathy. May be they are, but the reality is that they did not break-up with you, there was simply not enough momentum to take things to the next level.
Will no-contact work to get them back? In my experience no.
Most people who end things after only a few dates, few weeks or months make the decision based on limited information about you. They saw something, heard something, thought or felt something and made a pre-mature conclusion about the future of the relationship. They really don’t know you enough to make an informed decision.
They are not going to change their mind about you (more like who they think you are) if there is no opportunity for them to interact with you some more, get to know the real you and make an informed decision. In many cases, no-contact leaves so many things unsaid, unfelt and unknown.
- With someone you were with for six months or more, you know exactly how they feel about you. But with someone you dated very briefly, things are not as clear.
- It could just be that the honeymoon phase wore off, and they can’t tell the difference between the natural end of the honeymoon phase and the loss of love.
- They feel that because things are not as exciting, fun and high on lust anymore, it means that you are not compatible, or that the relationship isn’t working.
The approach you use to attract back someone who lost interest after just a few dates, or when things were just beginning to get serious is different from one you use to attract back someone you were in a “relationship” with.
If you approach things from the “get your ex back” perspective, you will get a lot of unnecessary resistance because the other person does not consider themselves “an ex”, and may feel pressured to act like an ex.
They may not understand why you are saying the things you are saying, or doing what you are doing to attract back an ex because in reality there was never a break-up to begin with. Any move you try to “get them back”, only makes them pull away even further.
If you feel that your relationship ended too quickly, and you weren’t given a fair chance because your ex prematurely decided that you were not compatible, or that the relationship wasn’t working after only a few weeks or months of dating, I’m happy to work with you one-on-one to assess your chances, and guide you through the delicate nuances of Break-Up vs. A Bad Start.