It is scary to be honest about this topic, and sometimes uncomfortable talking about it.
If it were that one man is made to “perfectly fit” only one woman like a key and a lock; with no spare keys and no master key, we wouldn’t even be talking about sexual compatibility. No guess work, no trial and error, no rejection, no pain, no heartache, no cheating, and no divorce due to sexual differences.
Unfortunately that’s just not real life.
One of the most painful things I deal with are men and women who’ve ignored incompatibility in sexual needs, wants and styles, only to wake up 6 months, five years or twenty years later to find their partner sexually attracted to someone else, involved in an affair or packed their bags and are gone. Many others have sex with their spouses with “eyes closed” and ten years later turn around and complain that the person they married is not the person they thought they were.
How can you tell if you and a potential partner have sexual chemistry or are sexually compatible?
It’s important to point out here that sexual chemistry and sexual compatibility are two very different things. Sexual chemistry is a primal instinct that happens at our unconscious or sub-conscious level. You know it when you feel it (pounding heart, faster heartbeat, butterflies in the stomach, sweating palms, weak knees, euphoria and all that good stuff). Now, you can feel this very strong sexual chemistry with someone but not necessarily be sexually compatible.
Sexual compatibility on the other hand is about “sexual fit”; knowing on a conscious and rational thought level what you want, what is good for you and how you can get what you want while making it possible for your partner to get what they want.
Sometimes a bad sexual connection is a sign of other things not being quite right. So it’s definitely worthwhile exploring together what could make that sexual connection better.
The good news is that often two people can work through many of the issues related to sexual incompatibility with enough honest communication or with the help of professional guidance.