Question: Yangki, You confirm many of the things I have learned about relationships over the years and continue to learn everyday from people like you. This is why I am hoping you can shed some light and perhaps give me advice on my situation. My ex and I broke up two months ago because I was not ready to commit. We’ve since talked about it and come to some understanding. We text and email everyday, mostly text messaging but she avoids all talk about meeting. I have to be honest with you, I am over 40 and hate text messaging. I’d much rather talk on the phone or face to face than text all day.
How can I get her back if she doesn’t want to see? Is it even possible to build emotional momentum when we only text? I appreciate your advice very much.
Yangki’s Answer: It’s true that the best way to really know someone is to spend lots of one-on-one time with them. This applies to your ex as it applies to a new man or woman. The more time you spend together in each other’s physical space, the better your chances of getting back together. There is just no substitute for being in the same space at the same time.
The reality however is that today most communication and reconnecting with your ex takes place via text, chat apps and (sometimes) phone calls. You may not like that this is now how you talk to someone you love and care about, but it is what it is and we have to get on with the times – I am about your age, and remember the days before text messaging… :).
Fortunately, you can still build emotional momentum and you can still get back with your ex via text. In my eBook, I discuss what (text, phone call or face-to face) is more effective, when and for what purpose, but here are just a few times when sending a text is actually smarter than calling or sending an email. E.g. during the day when you are both too busy for a long chat. When you haven’t heard from your ex in a while, a text is a non-needy way to remind her you still exist.
Until she’s ready to meet in person, go with what’s she’s most comfortable with. Trying to push her beyond her comfort level will in the end push her away.