Question: Should I ask my ex if she is seeing someone else and if she is, what do I do? The last time I asked her directly it became emotionally heated and things ended badly. She said I was insecure and if she is seeing someone else she will not be talking to me. She also said, we’re not together and if she was seeing someone else; it’s none of my business. I want to know if it is wise or if there is a good way to ask if she is seeing someone else, interested in another guy or does it not really matter? It does bother me to see she can just move on so easily. I am driving myself nuts thinking about it.
Yangki’s Answer: Unless something has changed to suggest she is now seeing someone else or interested in another guy; I agree with her that your fears are about your insecurity. Your ex said if she was seeing someone else she will not be talking to you; if she’s talking to you, you should take her word for it.
Unless she brings it up, or you find out from reliable sources that there is someone else; I suggest that you keep the focus on the the two of you. Obsessing about your ex seeing someone else takes the attention away from the two of you.
That said, if it bothers you that much that your ex maybe seeing someone else, you can ask her again. Asking directly if she’s seeing someone else is always the best way. But make sure that you own you feeling; and not come across as being suspicious that she’s lying to you. The last time she said you were insecure, start from there. Something along the lines, “I’m probably being insecure again…”
Whatever she says, make sure you don’t react negatively there and then. This is where problems usually begin; not in the asking, but in the reaction to the answer. Calmly try to find out more about the relationship. Find out if it’s serious or casual so you can decide (when you are on your own), if you still want try getting back together or not.
Based on her response that last time you asked if she was seeing someone else; whether she is seeing someone else or not, in her mind there is nothing wrong with that. You’re not together, so it’s not like she’d cheating on you.
Of course that’s no comfort for you, but it’s the reality of being broken up. That’s not to say, you completely ignore the possibility of there being someone else. Look out for some usual signs like she’s suddenly taking too long to respond, she doesn’t respond most of the time, her responses are short and emotionally closed off, or she seems distracted etc.
If this is happening consistently, you might want to consider the fact that there is someone else she interested in, or is seeing. How you handle the situation may make all the difference.