You keep telling him he is cold and doesn’t feel …

Comment on Can An Emotionally Aloof Person Change? by Love Doctor Yangki Christine Akiteng.

You keep telling him he is cold and doesn’t feel anything, and expect him to show his feelings. Not going to happen.

“Men are rational and trained not to feel” is too much of a generalization. There are irrational men and there are men who are too emotional just as there are rational women and women who don’t readily show/express emotion. It depends on upbringing and the environment one was raised in.

Some men may not express feelings/emotions as some of us women would like but just because someone doesn’t show feelings/emotion or show it in the way we want doesn’t mean they do not feel. Except of course when we’re talking of a psychopath — and you haven’t said your b/f is one.

May be if you stopped telling him he is cold, he’ll actually become more comfortable expressing his feelings — his OWN WAY. Only then can he feel the need to “change”. But if you can’t “accept” him just the way he is right now, it’s best to find yourself someone else who expresses himself the way you want.

Love Doctor Yangki Christine Akiteng Also Commented

Can An Emotionally Aloof Person Change?
Glad you found the article helpful.

What I think is referred to as “masculine dislike for emotions” is not so much a dislike but rather a fear of emotions — and has nothing to do with masculine or feminine. Fear of emotions is a social construct (has to do with how we were raised, the society we live in and our life experiences). Masculine and feminine are about consciousness — or even spiritual beingness for want of a better word.

Can An Emotionally Aloof Person Change?
I don’t think just “catching yourself” will help you completely be emotionally available. In any case, “catching yourself” works on the same energy as holding back when you should be “FEELING” whatever emotion that you should be feeling. The emotion of joy is especially difficult to just “catch yourself” because it’s an emotion tied to many other emotions. My advice is find a good experiential Therapist — one who’s approach is rooted in expression of emotion as opposed to “control” of emotion. A really good therapist can help you see why you feel you need to “control” or block the free flow of emotion and learn how to feel without “thinking” emotion. A good therapist can also help you work on all the other emotions and mental filters that are making it hard for “joy” to flow through.

Can An Emotionally Aloof Person Change?
Please go ahead. Much appreciated.

Recent Comments by Love Doctor Yangki Christine Akiteng

Bad Break-Ups – Why Your Relationships Always End With Drama
Leave him for good and move on with your life or try to make things work out with him is a decision only you can make. I don’t believe in making decisions for others that they should be making for themselves. As a coach, I can only help you with whatever decision you make or whatever side you’re already leaning towards. Making decisions for you isn’t empowering you to OWN your life — and relationship (be responsible!).

When Do You Stop Trying To Get Back Your Ex?
If it makes you feel good to have “closure” contact him and tell him you’ll not be bothering him again. But that’s all what contacting him will do, give you “closure” (hopefully!).

Waiting for him to contact you is unrealistic. They say the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour… he didn’t contact you for 2 months and when you contacted him he didn’t seem interested and hasn’t responded to any of your 3 contacts, what makes you think he’ll contact you?

My suggestion is that you let this go… meaning you stop actively trying to get him back and focus your attention elsewhere. You can try again later if you are still up to it, but for now more contact is useless.

Should I Reach Out Or Wait For My Ex to Initiate A Text?
It might explain why some women seem to all be sharing or recycling the same men.

Should I Reach Out Or Wait For My Ex to Initiate A Text?
There’s that school of thought and I respect your position. However, I’m not saying women HAVE to approach men. Some women like you obviously have a problem with it, and that’s OK.

I think that if a woman wants to take the initiative and own the power to choose who she dates instead of complaining about men not approaching her, or about meeting only losers (who approach her), why try to take that from her with statements like “unless she’s desperate?”

We all should do what we have to do and let others do what they want to do. Makes life easier for everybody… (:

So Why Is My Ex Texting Me Now?
My advice… Grow up and stop playing mind games.

Engaging and pulling away — as in no contact then contact, then pulling away, then contact, then not returning calls etc — is destructive for any relationship.

One of you has to step up and be the adult, if not, it’s going to be like this until the feeling of love and liking is completely gone — for good!

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