You’ve probably heard or read that there needs to be some kind of emotional momentum for things to move to the where your ex is willing to give the relationship another chance.
But what is emotional momentum? Let’s start with “what is momentum?”
- Tendency of a moving object to continue moving.
- The strength or force that something has when it is moving. : the strength or force that allows something to continue or to grow stronger or faster as time passes.
Emotional momentum is using positive emotions to continue moving things forward and for connection to grow stronger or faster as time passes:
This is more than using validation or reassurance or eliciting an emotional response, but about intensifying emotional involvement and holding your ex’s attention long enough for him/her to begin looking forward to your texts or calls, and even start initiating contact just because it feels good to hear from you, and talk to you.
The more of your ex’s attention you hold, the more their emotional investment.
As discussed in my article: How to Get Back An Ex Who Is Acting Hot and Cold, you sacrifice the ability to hold your ex’s attention when you start a conversation, stop it, and then start it again after a few days (as you do in “low contact” or “limited contact”). There’s just not enough forward movement to create emotional momentum and strengthen the connection between you and your ex.
Most times conversations feel forced and unnatural, and you struggle coming up with what to talk about.
With emotional momentum, you can build conversations that feel more natural and that encourage more sharing and emotional bonding between you and ex.
Say, you connect on a conversation about Barak Obama being the greatest president ever (I had to go there, hopefully I’ll get many clicks. Hee…heee). But let’s for a moment say you connect and have a really nice conversation. You talk for 5 – 30 minutes depending on how well the conversation goes, and then you have to go your separate ways.
Next time, you can just begin another conversation from… “You can’t believe what I heard on BBC/read in the Global News… (and the conversation is about Barak Obama and what great thing he’s done now!)
Or you can simply say… “I thought again about what you said….”
Or… “After our conversation, I went and looked up….”
Just from that one conversation, you can start so many other conversations and keep building on the positive emotions created in the first conversation. No “what do I say” hand-wringing, “what should I talk about”.
Emotional momentum will carry you over to the next conversation.
Once in a while, you may run out of ways to continue the conversation, and that’s okay. Start another conversation.