Whether we admit it or not, we all want to have some degree of control in our relationships. Having control in our relationships makes us feel happy and fulfilled. But sometimes the need for control can turn us into controlling men and women — and even control freaks.
Is it possible to be in control without being controlling?
Absolutely. All it takes is for us to stop trying to control people, experiences and situations and learn to be in control of ourselves instead.
By releasing the need to control our relationships, we can achieve far greater actual control.
1) Be flexible in thought and action
The world doesn’t have to be perfect for you to be happy. Everything doesn’t have to be planned to detail or work the way to you want and expect. Learn to be comfortable with some degree of uncertainty and ambiguity. But more importantly, give things time to work or change, but don’t be afraid to shift direction where/when it is necessary.
2) Look at the bigger picture
Just because something isn’t to your liking or isn’t happening the way you planned doesn’t mean things can’t be different tomorrow. Try to see how all the other small parts fit into the bigger picture instead of focusing on that one detail that is beyond your control.
3) Stop feeding fear
While it is normal to be thrown off balance when things happen in ways you do not like or did not expect, playing things over and over and over in your head is not normal. The stories you play out in your head are on the most part worse than reality itself, and in some instances may have nothing to do with what’s happening or will happen.
The more attention you give to fear, the more it feeds on itself — and the more it feels real.
4) Believe in yourself
You don’t have to know everything all of the time, you just have to believe in yourself to be able to handle whatever comes your way. Such a belief in yourself requires that you know who you are, accept who you are and trust that you are strong enough and capable enough to meet whatever the unknown will bring.
5) Surround yourself with realistically optimistic people
Sometimes it helps to surround yourself with people who have a strong belief in themselves and demonstrate it in how they handle whatever life throws in their way. Seeing first hand how they do it will be not only help you survive the long and difficult times but thrive in times of uncertainty.
6) Practice trusting love itself
Love works on it’s own terms, not on our terms (plans, expectations and rules). The sooner you accept this simple but powerful fact, the sooner you’ll start seeing love doing it’s magic.
Letting go of the control you think you have can increase your sense of trust in the unknown in a way that you have never known before. Because you are not able to trust in the same way as when you know (or think you know), it can also increase your believe in yourself and in others; making you a more confident, decisive, relaxed, calm — and of course attractive partner.
7) Never give up on love
Think of all those men and women enjoying great relationships. This is not the result of perfect planning or knowing all the answers ahead of time, but a fundamental belief in the great unknown that is love.
If you find yourself trying so hard to hold onto a relationship only to feel it slipping through your tight fist, you might want to stop trying to control the relationship and BE in control of yourself instead.