Being friends with your ex can lead to getting back together; and many exes who followed these steps got back with their ex.
Don’t be friends with your ex, there is no such a thing as friends with an ex, you can’t move on when you are still talking to your ex, etc. That’s what almost everyone says. And you have probably told your ex “we can’t be friends” because you think that being friends with your ex will ruin your chances of getting back together.
There is truth to all the above statements.
- Some people are just too toxic together, even as friends.
- Some people struggle with transitioning from a romantic relationship to being friends.
- If you don’t know what you are doing, being friends with your ex can hurt your chances of getting your ex back.
It makes a huge difference who who initiates being friends
That said, being friends with an ex is actually more common and more expected than most people realize. And if you want your ex back, sometimes being friends is your only option.
I’ll back up a little. I don’t advice telling your ex “let’s be friends” if you want your ex back. Huge mistake. Your ex might believe that friendship is all you want, and feel deceived/manipulated if later on you say you want to get back together.
BUT… this is very important. If your ex says they want to be friends, or that friendship is all they can offer you at the moment, DO NOT turn down the offer because you are scared that being friends will hurt your chances.
If you do “being friends” with your ex right, it can lead to getting your ex back. Many exes have found themselves back together because they followed these steps; and got back together with their ex.
STEP 1: Accept your ex’s offer to be friends and make the best of it
You’ve been offered a window of opportunity, take it. If the word “friends” bothers you so much, change the way you think about it. Think of it as the “probation period” before you are hired for the job.
Your ex thinks you qualify for the job but they want to try you out first. You know you qualify for the job, but okay…
STEP 2: Make clear to your ex you want more than friendship
Make sure you communicate in your ‘break-up acceptance’ text or email that still have feelings for them. You want to make it clear from the start that ‘being friends” with your ex is not the end goal. While a friendship is something you value, your hope is that being friends with your ex leads to getting back together at some point. This is really important because your ‘break-up acceptance’ text or email, if worded well can be the difference between things rapidly moving forward; and the two of you going your separate ways.
STEP 3: Agree on what “being friends” with your ex means
If possible define in very clear terms what being ‘friends’ means to both of you (what to expect and not expect from each other) and ask your ex to communicate their boundaries and what they’re comfortable with in terms of contact, space, time spent together, seeing other people, intimacy etc.
The “what does being friends” conversation doesn’t have to happen at once. Some exes may not even know exactly what they are offering by being friends. They said “let’s be friends” because it sounded emotionally mature. You may find that the boundaries of “being friends” form as you interact; and they tell you what is okay to say or do, and what is not.
How does being friends with your ex can lead to getting back together?
1. Being friends means that you can text your ex, call and hang out within a safe emotional environment.
This is something you can not do it if you take the stand that you cannot be friends; and your ex takes the stand that they don’t want to get back together. The more you are in your ex’s everyday life (and thoughts), the better your chances.
2. Being friends also gives you the opportunity to showcase the changes you’ve made.
You made all these changes but your ex doesn’t get to see them (may be ever); if you are not in regular contact via text, email, phone calls or in person. But when you are “friends”, you have many opportunities to prove that you have indeed changed.
3. Being friends gives you the opportunity to test-drive the new relationship without risking too much.
It’s hard for many exes to go from broken up to back together again because they don’t want to take the risk of finding out that things can’t work out. Being friends with your ex is like the bridge between the old relationship and the new relationship. Because there is no pressure to be anything other than two people who like and enjoy each other, the “new” relationship has time to grow and feel comfortable for both of you.
As the saying goes: a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. It’s better to work with the opportunity you have than to risk losing everything trying to get something more, or because you are too scared of being friends with an ex.