3 Ways Being Friends With Your Ex Leads To Getting Back Together

being-friends-with-your-ex-get-back-togetherDon’t be friends with your ex, there is no such a thing as friends with an ex, you can’t move on when you are still talking to your ex, etc. That’s what almost everyone says. And you have probably told your ex “we can’t be friends” because you think that being friends with your ex will ruin your chances of getting back together.

There is truth to all the above statements.

  1. Some people are just too toxic together, even as friends.
  2. Some people struggle with transitioning from a romantic relationship to being friends.
  3. If you don’t know what you are doing, being friends with your ex can hurt your chances of getting your ex back.

That said, being friends with an ex is actually more common and more expected than most people who have never had an amicable break-up realize. Being friends with an ex also significantly increases your chances of getting your ex back.

I’ll back up a little. I don’t advice telling your ex “let’s be friends” if you want your ex back. Huge mistake. Your ex might believe that friendship is all you want, and feel deceived/manipulated if later on you say you want to get back together.

BUT… this is very important. If your ex says they want the two of you to be friends, or that friendship is all they can offer you at the moment, DO NOT turn down the offer because you are scared that being friends will hurt your chances.

STEP 1: Accept your ex’s offer to be friends and make the best of it. 

You’ve been offered a window of opportunity, that if used well may very well turn out to be the “probation period” you need — before you are hired for the job!

STEP 2: Make clear to your ex you want more than friendship.

Make sure you communicate in your ‘break-up acceptance’ text or email that still have romantic feelings for them but are  content with being friends if it leads to getting back together at some point. This is really important because your ‘break-up acceptance’ text or email, if worded well can be the difference between things rapidly moving forward and the two of you going your separate ways.

STEP 3: Agree on what “being friends” means.

If possible define in very clear terms what being ‘friends’ means to both of you (what to expect and not expect from each other) and ask your ex to communicate their boundaries and what they’re comfortable with in terms of contact, space, time spent together, seeing other people, intimacy etc.

How will being being friends lead to getting back together?

1. Being friends means that you can text your ex, call and hang out within a safe emotional environment.

This is something you can not do it if you take the stand that you cannot be friends and your ex takes the stand that they don’t want to get back together. The more you are in your ex’s everyday life (and thoughts), the better your chances.

2. Being friends also gives you the opportunity to showcase the changes you’ve made.

You made all these changes but your ex doesn’t get to see them (may be ever) if you are not in regular contact via text, email, phone calls or in person. But when you are “friends”, you have many opportunities to prove that you have indeed changed.

3. Being friends gives your the opportunity to test-drive the new relationship without risking too much.

It’s hard for many exes to go from broken up to back together again because they don’t want to take the risk of finding out that things can’t work out.  Being friends with your ex is like the bridge between the old relationship and the new relationship. Because there is no pressure to be anything other than two people enjoying spending time together, the “new” relationship has time to grow and feel comfortable for both of you.

As the saying goes: a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.  It’s better to work with the opportunity you have than to risk losing everything trying to get something more, or because you are too scared to ‘push away your ex’.

MUST READ: How to Pull Your Ex Closer Vs. How To Avoid Pushing Away Your Ex

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  1. says: Priya

    I broke up with my guy because of my overthinking that caused problem. We were best friends and after we broke up, we still are but he don’t want to go back into that relationship. Do I still have a chance if I work on myself on a future date?

    1. says: Love Doctor Yangki Akiteng

      Yes. Working on yourself is the only thing that gives you a better chance of getting back together. It doesn’t guarantee your ex will come back, but it gives you a 30 – 40% advantage. The rest depends on why you broke up, if your ex still has feelings for you, what else is going on in your ex’s life, if there is someone else etc.

      30 – 40% advantage is a pretty good place to start from. See video.

  2. says: Jay

    My ex is telling me we need to work on our friendship and communication. He wants to make sure everything stays like that before moving forward. He saying my actions have to prove him wrong. Also, he talks to someone else. Should i be worried or concerned? We are not forcing or rushing in a relationship.

    1. says: Love Doctor, Yangki Akiteng

      There is always a worry if your ex is ‘interested’ in someone else. It ‘complicates’ things but it does’t mean you don’t have a chance. Many articles here on the subject.

  3. says: Ian

    She has still suggested we meet next week while I’m in her city, which I’m up for, but I’m unsure where to go with the physical contact. On the one hand, I don’t want to push things but on the other, I feel like without kissing, I’m heading towards a permanent ‘friendzone’, which is where I definitely don’t want to be!

    1. says: Yangki Akiteng

      That’s a very legitimate concern that’s handled in Dating Your Ex
      1) how not to get locked in the “just friends” zone (page 300 )
      2) physical contact when trying to get back together (page 308)

    1. says: Yangki Akiteng

      There is such a thing. It’s very possible and it happens more often than most people realize.

      That said, I do admit that it’s quite rare in today’s relationship environment for exes to part ways with little or no animosity. My personal opinion is that too many people become “romantic lovers” without necessarily cultivating “friendship”, and when the romance dies there is nothing else left but hurt feelings, anger and resentment.

      People with good relationship skills cultivate and nurture both romance and friendship. Friendship helps them weather the rough patches, navigate hurt emotions, and maintain an emotional connection long after the romance dies out. That ‘friendship’ usually provides a foundation for a new romantic relationship. That’s why people who remain “friends” with their ex end up getting back together more often than people who simply can’t remain friends with their ex.

      1. says: Nancie

        I love that this site is not about no contact. It’s so refreshing to read advice that does not say cut off contact. My ex and I are best friends and it seemed so wrong not to have him in my life. With your advice we are getting close again. We spent last weekend together, cuddling and kissing but no sex. He says he still loves me but wants both of us to change and not fight so much anymore. I am working on me not for him but because I was to be better for myself. Thank you for what you are doing, Yangki. God bless you.

      2. says: Love Doctor, Yangki Akiteng

        You are on the right path. If you can stop the fighting completely, your relationship will grow and flourish.

        Thank you for your kind words, and God bless you too!