Avoidant Ex In A Rebound Is Flirting With You (What To Do)

It’s not unusual for avoidant exes still in a rebound to reach out, flirt with you and even act like they want you back. Flirting is usually an indication that an avoidant ex is still attracted to you and may even still have feelings.

But while it’s flattering, vindicating and validating that they’re still attracted to you, it can also be hard to deal with the fact that while you were sad and lonely someone was getting the love, affection, intimacy etc., that was once directed towards you. And if an avoidant rebounded so fast after the breakup, it’s hard not to feel that you were easily replaceable.

You therefore have to be a little more careful when they come back when currently in a rebound relationship or even after the rebound ended. Even if you are the ex an avoidant is coming back to, you may also be the rebound.

That said, an avoidant in a rebound relationship doesn’t have to be the end of the two of you. Sometimes a rebound is the final avoidant push away you need to move on, sometimes avoidants jump into a rebound to run away from their feelings for you, and sometimes a rebound is exactly what an avoidant needs to realize it’s you they want to be with.

1. Learn as much as you can about the rebound relationship

The first thing you need to do is learn as much as you can about your ex’s rebound relationship. Knowing about your ex’s rebound relationship can help you better understand why they’re reaching out and flirting with you when they’re in a relationship.

For example, if they’re officially a couple, they’ve met each other’s friends and family, and things progressing steadily (no frequent pulls away or deactivations), the rebound is likely getting serious and your avoidant ex flirting with you is them freaking out because things are getting serious.

But if the rebound is 3 months in and your avoidant ex’s friends and family haven’t met the rebound and your ex is still talking about you to friends and family about you, then they are not yet emotionally invested in the rebound. Your ex may even be rethinking the breakup and flirting with you to find out if you are still interested and/or if there is a chance that you will take them back.

2. Make sure you’re not just an attachment resource

Avoidants in general struggle with getting close and allowing others to get close and as a result, most avoidant rebounds start only as attachment resources. When the rebound doesn’t meet their attachment needs, an avoidant may circle back to an ex but only as an attachment resource.

If they don’t make an effort to hang out or sidestep any attempts you make to hang out, there is a chance that an avoidant is keeping you around as an option or until they’re sure of the new relationship, and once they are sure, they’ll drop you like a hot potatoe.

But if in addition to flirting, they’re also showing interest in your well-being, making an effort to reach out and want to hang out, it’s possible that your avoidant ex is in the comparison phase of a rebound, and hasn’t fully invested in the rebound.

3. Make peace with your avoidant ex being in a rebound

Taking back an ex after a rebound or currently still in what is obviously a rebound is a very personal decision. It can be okay for some but it can also be a dealbreaker for others.

If it bothers you so much that your ex is in a rebound, it’s probably a good idea not get back together. You will end up obsessing about the rebound relationships and asking too many questions and/or details that will end up in things not progressing or another breakup.

Also when you keep bringing up the rebound,  asking too many questions about the rebound and overdramatizing the situation, you take the focus of your conversations off you and make the rebound more important, attractive and emotionally desirable than you. The more focus, attention, time and emotion you invest in the your ex’s rebound relationship, the more you diminish yourself.

So make sure that you have made peace with the fact that your ex was sexually intimate with someone else, or is in a rebound that’s still on-going.

4. Don’t let an avoidant rush you into taking them back

If you’ve made up you’re mind that it’s okay to flirt, text and hang out even while your avoidant’s rebound is going on, then do just that and let things play out. Set very clear boundaries and also make sure you give yourself a timeframe in which to allow things to play out.

Don’t let an avoidant rush you, or in the case of fearful avoidants, lovebomb you into taking them back. The reverse is also true, don’t rush an avoidant who just came back from a rebound to into getting back together.

The two of you have a history and baggage from the old relationship, an avoidant coming back to you after rebounding is not going to erase your problems or make the relationship work this time around. You still need to work through your issues for the relationship to have a chance.

The last thing an avoidant ex wants is be pressured to make a decision they’re not ready to make. Even if they decide to end the rebound because of pressure from you, they may not fully emotionally invest in you, and may even return to the rebound, especially if the rebound is waiting for them to come back if you breakup again.

5. Know when to let go and move on

Give yourselves a chance, but if:

• The experience of trying to get back together is taking a toll on your mental and emotional health
• It feels disrespectful to who you are and is affecting your self esteem
• Your avoidant ex does things to intentionally make you jealous or pits you against the rebound
• It’s obvious that an avoidant only came back because the rebound didn’t work
• You’ve grown as a person and outgrown your ex and/or a relationship with them

Let go and move on. Don’t hold on to someone to try to prove that you’re worthy of love. You already are worthy of love whether they want to be with you or not. You’re worth isn’t defined by their actions, it’s defined by yours.

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Is Your Ex’s Rebound Relationship Serious – Can You Get Them Back?

3 Steps Crucial To Getting Back An Ex In A Rebound Relationship