This is how attachment styles can help you get back your ex. With these new and powerful insights into relationships; getting back with an ex is has never been easier. In my decades of helping exes get back together; I’ve seen more people get back together with their ex with the help of attachment styles than ever before.
Take time to read and learn about attachment styles; and you will never look at relationships the same way again. Understanding how attachment styles work will forever change how you approach trying to attract back your ex.
I do not want to give the impression that attachment styles is some kind of magic spell because it’s not. What it is, is the most advanced relationship science to date. If you are like me who looks for “the science to back it up”; you will find the science in attachment styles.
Attachment theory explains how we seek connection and form close relationships; and how we react when our sense of security and safety is threatened. From an attachment perspective, we each have a primary attachment style, and you have a secure attachment style or an insecure attachment style. Each attachment style has relatively predictable behaviours from beginning of a relationship to it’s breakdown.
1. Secure attachment style
Securely attached individuals are confident about their ability to be close to someone and ‘show love’ without being smothering or needy. They view relationships as both safe and rewarding. They also have reasonable expectations that others will return their love. Most of their relationships last long and when they don’t, they approach a break-up in a constructive way. Their goal is to maintain stable, reliable, satisfactory relationships in whatever form, and as a result are more open to feedback about behaviours that are not loving, helpful or supportive.
When trying to attract back their ex, they are usually more positive and more realistic about their chances because they believe that partners (and exes) generally have good intentions and that any negative behaviours their partner (or ex) may display are temporary and reversible. Only when there is clear evidence that their ex acted with malicious intent or is purposefully being hurtful do securely attached people attribute bad intentions to an ex and act to protect themselves.
They’re not afraid of conflict or rejection. They believe and trust that they have the ability, tools and skills to deal with difficult or emotional situations calmly and constructively. This self-confidence allows them to be proactive and consistent in both words and actions – and it pays off. Compared to insecurely attached, securely attached individuals are more likely to get back their ex.
2. Insecure attachment styles
Individuals with an insecure attachment style are:
- Anxious-preoccupied attachment style (high-anxiety/low-avoidance),
- Fearful avoidant attachment style (high-anxiety/high-avoidance)
- Dismissive avoidant attachment style (high-anxiety/low-avoidance).
I explain each of these attachment styles in much more detail later on. A big part of this series of articles focuses on how each attachment style plays out in the process of trying to attract back an ex. I also detail the interactions between different attachment styles.
- Anxious attachment style and fearful avoidant attachment style pairing
- Anxious attachment style and dismissive avoidant style attachment pairing
- Fearful avoidant attachment style and dismissive avoidant attachment style pairing
How they trigger each other and how you can avoid some of the traps of trying to attract back someone with a different attachment style from you own.
It is time to change the way you love and are loved permanently
I help men and women get back together with their ex while at the same time supporting them as they work towards becoming more secure.
I’m happy to answer any questions you may have about your ex’s attachment style and what you can do to successfully get back together; AND also answer any questions on how you can become more secure.
1) Most coaches advice “no contact”. I do NOT
People who are attracted to my advice do not want to do “no contact”. Others have concerns about it because it feels like more attachment avoidance; and in some ways a mind game. Most of them want to, and are trying to become securely attached.
2) I have an empathetic approach to attachment styles
Call me naïve, but I believe that most people don’t like that they hurt the people they love and care about; and end up hurting themselves too. They want to be better and do better in their relationships.
Knowledge and an in depth understanding of attachment styles offers the opportunity to be better and do better. But like all powerful tools, attachment styles is subject to abuse. We can use attachment styles to make the person we love feel safe and secure; but we can also be use it to manipulate for personal advantage or gain. For example: Trigger attachment anxiety to make and ex miss you and want to come back.
I do not see attachment styles as a “set of tricks” to use to get an ex back. I use attachment styles as a tool to provide safety, security, care, and love to the people we love; and for personal growth.
3) I am securely attached
My articles, books and YouTube Videos resonate with the way most of my clients want to love and be loved. My goal is not just to help you learn “how to interact with an avoidant”; but to change an anxious-avoidant dynamic to a secure dynamic.
Understanding attachment styles may be your best chance to attract back your ex
The goal of these series is not to make anyone feel bad or “less than”. My goal for writing this series is to:
- Help more men and women explore their attachment styles in more depth.
- Recognize the behaviours that are causing them pain and heartache.
- See how someone you love and want to be with interprets these behaviours.
- Change these behaviours and change the anxious-avoidant dynamics.
- Attract back your avoidant ex, anxious ex or securely attached ex.
I encourage you to read the whole article from parts 1 – 12. This could be your best chance to attract back your ex.