Are Your Messages Connecting With Your Avoidant Ex? [TEST]

Reconnecting with an avoidant ex can feel tricky. One of the biggest challenges is knowing how to communicate in a way that keeps them connected without overwhelming them. This quiz will tell you if you’re communicating with your avoidant ex the way they feel most comfortable connecting — and show you how small adjustments can make a big difference in your connection.

Check the option that is the closest to your communication style.

1. When you want to see them, you usually:

1 – Drop hints like, “It would be nice to hang out sometime”

2 – Say, “I might be free this weekend if you want to meet”

3 – Ask, “Do you want to meet for coffee on Saturday?”

4 – Ask if Coffee on Saturday at 2 PM works for them

2. When you’re upset about something in the relationship, you:

1 – Pull back or act up hoping they understand something is wrong

2 – Allude to the problem indirectly

3 – Share your feelings in a calm, direct message

4 – Clearly express the issue and suggest a solution

3. When you text to check in, you say:

1 – “Hey… just thinking of you.”

2 – “Hey, hope you’re okay.”

3 – “Hey, it’s been a while… hope you’re doing okay.”

4 – “Hey, haven’t heard from you in a bit. How have you been?”

4. If you want a response from them, you tend to:

1 – Add “no pressure” with the hope they’ll respond

2 – Say ““Let me know if you see this.”

3 – Ask a clear question that invites a response

4 – Explicitly ask for their thoughts or confirm next steps

5. When sharing about your day, you’d probably say:

1 – “I had something interesting happen today.” (And wait for them to ask for details.)

2 – “Had an interesting day… you’d probably find it funny.” (Hint at an event without giving specifics.)

3 – “Had an interesting day — Want to hear about it?” (Directly invite a conversation.)

4 – “Had an interesting happen today. On my way from my walk, I ran into an old friend I haven’t seen in years. How was your day? (Detailed, specific, and clearly invites engagement.)

6. When planning a meetup or activity, you usually:

1 – Tell them it would be nice to catch up

2 – Suggest casually without a specific plan

3 – Give a specific option and ask if it works

4 – Present a clear plan with details and ask for confirmation

7. When discussing past issues, you:

1 – Tell them “We need to talk about what happened”

2 – Refer indirectly to past events

3 – Bring up the issue clearly without blame

4 – Address the issue directly and propose a solution

8. When you want to know how they feel, you usually:

1 – Guess their feelings and hope you’re right

2 – Make indirect statements to elicit a response

3 – Ask a subtle question about their feelings

4 – Directly ask how they feel

9. Your messages generally include:

1 – Ambiguity or hints, leaving them to interpret

2 – Some implied meaning, but not very clear

3 – Mostly clear statements

4 – Clear, concise, actionable statements with no guessing

10. If you want increased contact, you’d probably:

1 – Drop subtle hints or passive gestures
2 – Send lightly suggestive messages without specifics
3 – Communicate directly but gently but without specifically requesting more contact
4 – Make a clear, specific request for more contact

Scoring:

10–18 points: Mostly indirect invitation to connect: You rely heavily on hints, vague statements, and subtle cues. This style can create uncertainty and push an avoidant ex further away. Consider practicing clarity and directness while keeping the tone calm and low-pressure.

19–27 points: Mixed indirect and direct communication: You sometimes communicate directly but also rely on indirect cues. You may get inconsistent responses. Focusing on clear, simple, and actionable messages can help improve connection and reduce misunderstanding.

28–36 points: Mostly direct communication: You communicate respectfully most of the time. Your avoidant ex likely finds your messages easier to respond to, and you reduce unnecessary tension. Continue maintaining clarity while balancing warmth and low-pressure tone.

37–40 points: Highly direct and clear communication: You communicate directly, and are straightforward while also being respectful of an avoidants independence. This approach maximizes understanding, reduces misinterpretation, and creates the safest space for reconnection. Keep it consistent.

Your communication style can either bridge the gap or create distance. By understanding whether you lean toward indirect hints or clear, direct messages, you can start sending texts and signals that your avoidant ex can actually respond to. Use this insight to communicate confidently, reduce misunderstandings, and create space for connection on terms that work for both of you.

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