Are You Over Your Ex If You Still Miss And Care About Them?


Question: Is normal to miss an ex and still care about them but feel you’re not in love anymore? How do I know I’m really over my ex if I still miss him?

My ex broke up with me 5 months ago. I was devastated. It took months for me to stop crying and get my life together. Today I feel like a completely different person, and many look at me like a whole new person. My ex has been trying to contact me but since I haven’t spoken to him in months, I’m beginning to feel that the new me will not be happy with this man anymore. Months ago, I’d have done anything to have him back in my life, now I’m not sure I want him back or even that I love him anymore. A part of me still cares about him and misses what we had. Is this normal?

Yangki’s Answer: Some people think that if you miss your ex, you’re not over them. This is not true. It is normal to be over your ex and still miss and care about them. And if you cared about someone, you can’t just stop caring about someone because you’re broken up. There will always have memories of them even if you do not love them anymore.

You know you’re really your ex is do not want them back. You also know you’re over your ex if you feel they’re no longer right for you.

People change and break-ups like many traumatic experiences inspire rapid growth in ways we’d never have been able to grow if we hadn’t gone through a devastating experience.

When two people grow in different directions or one person grows faster than the other; there is likely to be a “mis-match” of sorts. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with either person; it just means you are in a whole different place from where you were a few months ago.

Just because he wants you back doesn’t mean you have to say “yes”. Take your time and see how you continue to feel; and make your decision based on how you feel not on what your ex wants or what others say. Everyone has where they’re coming from; their experiences or reality is not your reality.

Ultimately, it’s your life and part of emotional maturity is knowing that: you and you alone own your decisions and are responsible for the consequences thereof.


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1 Comment

  1. says: Chris

    I feel the same way. My ex left 3 months ago and I wish I knew then what I know now. There’s still Times I get absolutely destroyed by my feelings, but I know that I got through the worst part. Now I can safely tell myself that all the things I felt before passed, and this will too. It’s a wonderfully tragic place to be. She even has a new boyfriend for a couple months and I’m relieved because she’s not my emotional wreck to deal with anymore. Someone else can gladly have that job. Growth is such a release.

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