Are you too much alike (too similar) to make it work? The upside and downside of having a partner who is just like you.
Karen and Greg are both quick-witted, confident, romantic, adventurous, fun-loving, ambitious, cut-throat lawyers who love their lives and careers. They both are very social and love meeting new people, seeing new places, and doing the unpredictable and risky.
Mentally, they both love to pursue even the most radical idea to its logical conclusion. They are also easily adaptable, expressive and believe that when a problem comes up; each side should be heard and appreciated and both people should work together until the problem is resolved.
These two work great as a team. They both believe in equality and have a relationship with no defined man/woman roles. Each came to the relationship feeling that they did not need the other to “complete” them; but that they needed a companion through life. They appreciate the other’s need for individuality, are happy away from each other just as they are together. And because they are not joined at the hip, they tend to give each other plenty of space to do “their own thing”.
The upside of having a partner who is just like you
Dating someone who has the characteristics you already posses has the advantage of instant compatibility and true communication because both parties have a real understanding of the other’s side point of view. The idea of “ownership” of a partner is not an issue because each sees the other as “their own person,” and not a missing half of the other.
The downside of having a partner who is just like you
Two very like individuals can create some rather stormy moments if they have strong different opinions about something because you both know which buttons to push and how much to push.
Too much similarity may also lead to things being predictable and boring because you don’t push each other to try something new. You may become so comfortable with each other that you get stuck in a rut. And if there is no limit to your “independent lives”, some couples find themselves drifting further and further part.
Can it work if you and you too much alike (too similar)?
There is a huge body of research that says “likes attract” type relationships have more stability and longevity. But stability and longevity isn’t always happy and fulfilled.
Even two people who have “instant compatibility” still have to deal with the fact that relationships require effort to keep them strong and positive; and healthy, exciting and passionate.
RELATED: Are You Too Different To Make The Relationship Work?
The Love Doctor says: “…I still don’t see anything wrong with a woman being strong and independent…”
Strong and Independent Woman = bombastic, LOUD, annoying and dominating wife. Why would a man want to be involved with a woman who talks like a man, dresses like a man and acts like a man?
To be fair you did say she can be “feminine” at the same time 🙂
What’s so wrong with a little annoying? 😉
I agree with most of what you say, I just don’t agree with the generalization. I don’t think it has anything to do with being “strong and independent”. There are those “ready-to-blow-up-any-second” type both ends of the spectrum. One end is out there with it and the other end tries to hide it in “niceness”, but the sting is the same. And there are men like that too.
Thank you for explaining the masculine and feminine balance in one individual. I never really understood it well. What you describe definitely sounds like people not letting nature take its course. The most important thing I am taking away from this post is that love is a personal thing that cannot be applied as a general rule or standard for all people. Relationships are work.
You damn right! Relationships, unlike love require lots of work.
Who said I like you??? I said BIGGEST FAN! lol
You mean “like” and “FAN” are not the same thing? Silly me. I should have taken English Major. I might have been somebody important or rich. I hope it’s not too late.
“never bought into “I want be a man” or “men are the enemy” mentality”
I am your new BIGGEST FAN! I am impressed. I just bought your eBook.
I knew there was a gentle, sensitive and instinctively nurturing man (feminine energy) somewhere in there… but please don’t like me too much, I don’t want to have to be “nice” to you all the time… 😉
“It’s all about “balance!”
I couldn’t agree more. The reasonable thing is to take a reasonable amount of time understanding what our natural balance of masculine and feminine are and then make a realistic assessment of what kind of preferred other balance would be the right balance as a couple. Too much of either feminine or masculine energy could lead away from one’s true balance and the most appropriate partner and into a relationship that really isn’t suitable.
Finding the right love match is not as easy as it sounds, believe me. 🙂
Oh! I believe you. Believe me… 🙂
If you understood men, you’d understand that men want a woman that makes him feel like the man. Feminists are teaching women to be “strong and independent” but men want a woman that needs us and depends on us. Feminine women make men feel much more manly and there is nothing he won’t do for her. Masculine men bring out the woman in her and there is nothing she won’t do for him. This is at the heart of attraction.
“…makes him feel like the man… brings out the woman in her”
This is NOT what’s at the heart of attraction. This is what is at the heart of the problem with dating in “modern society”. We expect someone else to make us FEEL like a man or FEEL like a woman. If the person FAILS to makes us feel like a man or feel like a woman, we conclude that there is something “wrong” with that person. We never stop to think, “What if what’s wrong is me?” It’s too much pressure on someone else to make us feel what we should already BE on our own. No wonder dating is a mess and the divorce rate is too high.
I love this post as I do all your posts.
I’m in a relationship that is a Karen and Greg love match. Our personalities and communication styles are pretty similar. When we argue over something, we almost always come to a conclusion that works for both of us. Our pasts are similar too, so it helps us relate well in our current relationship.
I do agree that we still have to work at making it work.
Keep them coming.
I appreciate you reading my posts and hope that in some way you’re being rewarded with some useful information… 🙂
We are different and complimentary in our natures for a reason. Men’s genes are wired to look for women that are feminine, can bear his children, is more submissive and lets him be The Boss. In the same way women’s genes are wired to look for a man that is strong, masculine looking, dominant, a good provider and protector. Even if we say we are not looking for these things, biologically we’re still driven towards them.
I understand what you’re saying and there is a lot of truth in it. But just so we’re clear here. Masculine/feminine does not equal man/woman socio-culturally relative roles or dominant/submissive roles, or male/female biological construct. I think this is one of the biggest misconceptions about masculinity and femininity. I try to explain how the masculine and feminine energies operate in this article.
Talking about man/woman socio-cultural roles, in this day and time, you can find a love match between a woman who looks, talks, feels and acts feminine but is the provider to her man who looks, talks, feels and acts masculine but stays/works at home and takes care of the home stuff — and both feel happy and fulfilled.
Also a woman who is high on masculine energy i.e. strong, tough, dominant and aggressive in the business world can still be very nurturing, receptive, sensitive and very sensual (projecting feminine energy) and be a loving partner to her man. So can a man.
In other words it’s not about projecting masculine energy or feminine energy all the time 24/7/12/365. It’s all about individual “balance”; knowing which energy to apply, when, where and how. There lies TRUE power and unstoppable sexual magnetism!