Reading “get back your ex” advice on many sites, one might think that the biggest relationship problem today is: there is not enough love between couples and as a result it’s just impossible to be in a loving relationship. That may be true for some few relationships, but not true for many relationships.
In many relationships, two people who in every sense of the word “love’ each other find themselves unable to stay together for more than a couple of weeks/months. They can’t stay together and they can’t away from each.
It’s like some force pulls them into each other’s arms and another force rips them apart, literally. And then they are pulled back together only to be ripped apart again and again, and again.
As crazy as it may be, there can actually be hope for “can’t live with and can’t live without” relationships if the love between two people is so strong that it won’t let go. That’s the good news.
The bad news is that the issues (insecurities, poor communication, anger and fear etc), that keep ripping you are apart will keep the two of you apart no matter how much you love each other.
That said, not all on-again and off-again relationships are “meant to be together” relationships. Some people in on-again and off-again relationships are pulled together not by the force of love, but by a toxic dynamic.
So how can you tell if you are being pulled together by love or by a toxic dynamic?
When you’re being pulled together by love:
1. You have no doubt the other person loves you and he/she does not doubt your love for him/her. I am not talking about liking or fondness, I am talking about “love” where you know everything about the other person and he or she knows everything about you, and you love the good, bad and ugly – all. In fact deep down inside you both know “this is it” and most of your friends and relatives think you are meant to be together, but for some reason the two of you can’t stay together.
2. It’s been a year or more and many break-ups in between, and BOTH of you are still “trying to make it work”. You BOTH feel like giving up, but something more powerful just won’t let you give up.
3. Both of you recognize that there is a “problem”, you have talked about it openly and each has taken responsibility for their part in the relationship not working out; and each time you get back together, you both sincerely and genuinely try to “make it work” this time, but a few weeks/months later, you’re broken up again.
4. The relationship ends with no animosity or harsh words because you genuinely love, care for and respect each other. No drama, no angry words, just two people who recognize that they have something special but for some reason they can’t make the relationship work.
5. Even when you are broken up, you remain in each other’s lives as friends who care deeply about the other, genuinely want what’s best for the other, and want the other to be happy, even if it’s with someone else. When you talk about the break-up, there is the pain of not being able to make the relationship work, but no anger towards the other for things not working out.
6. Both of you have tried dating other people but it’s just “not the same”. The new man/woman is great, treats you right and all, but you don’t feel the same way you feel for your ex.
7. Every time you get back together, the relationship is “better” than the last time, and both of you recognize and acknowledge that things are better, but deep inside you both know it’s still not enough to keep you together.
8. You’re reading this list and it’s like this article was written just for you. Every single “sign” above is exactly what is happening in your relationship. Even before reading this article, you knew you were “meant to be together” but this seems like a confirmation.
But before you fold your arms and wait for fate to bring you together, read this.
If ALL these 8 things are happening in your relationship (and I mean ALL, not just one of them), it means that yours could be one of those “meant to be together” relationships. But just because you are meant to be together does not mean you’ll be together.
As long as your insecurities, poor communication, anger and fear etc. still run the relationship, the relationship has no chance. The on-and-off- again will go on a few more times but because human beings “grow” whether they are aware of it or not, one of you will “out grow” the other, and move on.
If you are in a ‘meant to be together’ relationship, give love a chance by working on the issues that are keeping you apart.