That things don’t always go the way we want or expect is one of the hardest things to deal with when trying to attract back one’s ex. Many of us become anxious, worried, negative and lose hope because we can not predict what’ll happen next. We start imagining worst case scenarios in an attempt to prepare ourselves for the worst. Others create situations where they get into a fight with their ex (spy on their ex, say or write nasty things about the person), and completely ruin any possibility of ever getting back together.
If you find yourself acting out and starting fights with your ex because you are losing hope, you’ve crossed the line from trying to attract back your ex to actively pushing your ex further away.
What causes people to shoot themselves in the foot like this is not what the ex is doing, but their inability to handle their anxiety in the face of unpredictability and uncertainty. In many instances, you’ll find that your goal has shifted from trying to attract back your ex to fighting the anxiety and toxic stress caused by the uncertainty of the situation.
So what do you do when you start losing hope of attracting back your ex?
1. Identify the source of your anxiety and worry
With everything going on with your ex, people close to you telling you this and that, and all kinds of advice on the internet, it’s easy to become fearful and negative. To make sure you stay hopeful and positive, identify and block off the source of the reason you are losing hope. If it’s your friends, limit how much you talk to them about your ex/situation, if it’s advice on the internet, carefully choose and limit what you read etc.
2. Accept that uncertainty is part of the process
Whenever human beings are involved, it is impossible to be 100% certain about what they’ll say or do at any given moment. If you were dealing with a machine, you’d program it so that you know exactly what’s going to say or do – and why. But you are dealing with a human being — complex, versatile, ever changing and highly unpredictable by nature. One day they feel this way and the next day they feel completely the opposite.
The simple step of accepting this fact can change your whole attitude and the way you look at what is going on.
3. Recognize that there is only so much you can do right now
It’d be nice to just push your way through but that’ll only push your ex away. If you are doing everything you are supposed to be doing, and doing it right, that is good enough. Focus on things under your control.
4. Imagine best possible scenario
Sounds like a trip to fantasy land, but so does worrying about everything that could go wrong. Most of it is all in your head, the reality may turn out to be very different.
Instead of imagining worst case scenarios, try imagining the best possible scenario. True, the reality may turn out to be very different but for now, you’ll feel calmer and focused.
5. Have a little more faith in yourself
You have come this far and have not fallen apart, that means something. Tap into whatever strength has sustained this far and tell yourself you are strong enough to make it through. If you need to, write some affirmations down and read them when you feel like you are losing hope.
6. Remind yourself you are not alone
It helps to remind yourself that there are many people trying to attract back their ex and everyone goes through moments when they feel like they are losing hope. Knowing that you are not alone can help you face the unknown with a little more confidence.
7. Keep moving forward
I tell my clients, “Nothing in this process is written in stone. Exes change their minds all the time”. So, until you know for sure that it is over-over, keep moving forward.
8. Focus on the present
Things will unfold soon enough. In the meantime, life goes on.