7 Ways To Make Yourself Emotionally Attractive To Your Ex

We all want to think we can get our ex back — and I wish that was possible for everyone. But it isn’t.

There are some ex situations that are irreversible no matter what you do. But in my experience, most people fail to attract back their ex back, not because the relationship is damaged beyond repair, but because the person trying to attract back their ex back has that make getting back together almost impossible.

See if you recognize some of these attitudes and behaviours in yourself and take the steps to increase your emotional attractiveness.

1) You haven’t taken responsibility for your role in the relationship ending

You have rigid beliefs and expectations of how things should happen and insist that your ex change or act in a certain way for things to change for the better.

Mind Reset: It takes two to create a healthy and happy relationship and two to mess it up. Yes, you have a right to want things a certain way, but you also have the responsibility to make sure your words and actions are not creating the situation you do not want. Take responsibility and change what needs to change if you want a different dynamic with your ex.

2) You are using force, manipulation, tricks etc., to try to change your ex’s mind and heart.

You just want to get what you want without regard to whether your ex really wants to come back or not. You’ve probably read that “A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still.” Someone who is being convinced against their will, doesn’t really want to be there.

Mind Reset: Your ex may want to give the relationship another try but resisting the attempts to force, manipulate or trick them into a relationship that still have problems. Respect your ex’s right to decide whether they want to come back or not. Create the right environment for them to want to come back and leave it up to them whether or not to take action that is in THEIR own best interests. This way you know without doubt that if they came back, it’s because they want to with with you.

3) You rely on how you feel right now to make important decisions about the future.

While our feelings offer insight, we make better decisions if we can separate feelings from what needs to be done.

Mind Reset: Recognize how your emotions may be distorting your thinking and influencing your behaviour and carefully weigh situations before making any conclusions or decisions. Take your time to decide what action you want to take and consider it’s effects in the long term. This extra time that you allow yourself helps you make the right decision.

4) You not emotionally available to the experience

You are unnecessarily stressed or depressed about situations that you do not and can not control and this makes you not pleasant to talk to or be around.

Mind Reset: Things don’t change for the better just because you put so much effort worrying about them. There are some things and situations you can do something about and even control, and there are some that you just have to wait out and see the natural course they take or how they play out. Use the time you spend worrying about things you can’t control on doing something about things you can actually control. The more ‘relaxed’ you are, the more attractive to your ex you will be.

5) You’re impatient

You just want to get done with it and get frustrated that the process is taking too long. And because you are only focused on the end game, you are blind to the good and not-so-good things happening so much that even when things are going well enough, you find a way to screw it up.

Mind Reset: If this was one-person project, you’d be able to complete it within the time you set, but this is not a one-person project. Things are never going to go as fast as you’d want them to. Taking one day at a time and responding to situations as they come without being attached to any one particular outcome will stop you from messing things up because you’re too impatient.

6. You don’t handle the unexpected well

Your reactions to what you did not expect (or want) throw you off balance and cause you to take actions or say things that drive your ex even further away.

Mind Reset: Have a good plan of action but be open to the fact that things will not always happen how you planned. Sometimes it’s simply not the time for certain things to happen and other times the things you want to happen may not be meant to happen. Accept what it at the moment and learn to appreciate what you have.

7.  You haven’t been serious of working on your issues

Just  trying to adjust certain behaviours never works because most of our thoughts, feelings and reactions are controlled by the subconscious. They creep on you when you least expect and at the worst possible time!

Mind Reset: Take self-work seriously. Do the work because every failed attempt makes it harder to convince your ex that things can actually work.

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5 replies on “7 Ways To Make Yourself Emotionally Attractive To Your Ex”
  1. says: Anna

    Yangki, I found an excellent quote you had about manipulation via pressure and how it stemmed from fear some time ago. I’ve looked and looked, but for the life of me, I cannot find the original article. I wish I remembered what the quote was.

    1. says: Yangki Akiteng

      Manipulation, pressure, fear… those are topics I have written so many articles about. Without the quote I am unable to point you to the article you are looking for. Sorry!

  2. says: peter

    thanks for the reply.. thats what i was afraid of.. I have to take responsibility for it and live with it now..I blew it with a great woman.. more fuel for the therapist fire …

  3. says: Peter

    if I have done those bad things and made mistakes how do i course correct now? I see your point and I agree with that I like your attitude of connection and talking honestly versus coming from a bad place but how do I talk to her and get her to see you that I’m okay with it her last text to me was please stop contacting me.

    1. When someone says “please stop contacting me”, you have to respect their wish.

      Your bad place was when you acted needy, desperate etc… to the point that she felt she had to tell you not to contact her. Respecting her wish is how you show that you are out of the bad place.

      That said, in my experience, when it gets to the point where your ex does not want contact… it’s probably too late to course correct. You can try to start over, try to contact her after some time has passed, but for now, this is as far as you can go actively trying to get her back.

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