7 Things To Do When Your Ex Cuts Off All Contact And Won’t Respond

Your ex cuts off all contact, unfriends you, blocks you, and won’t respond to texts or take your calls. It’s like they’ve suddenly disappeared off the face of the earth. No warning. No explanation. What do you do?

Granted, different people deal with break-ups differently. But this is someone who said they loved you, and even promised to love you forever. Someone who, called you “babe”, introduced you to friends and family as “my…” and had you in their future. Your person.

What do you do when you ex cuts off all contact, unfriends you and/or blocks you?

1. Ask yourself why your ex cut you off 

It’s possible that you were being overly emotional, unreasonable, needy or threatening, and your ex (rightfully) feels that cutting off all contact is the only way to get you to stop; and for your ex to protect themselves from you. You can’t fault someone for trying to protect themselves from drama, unreasonable behaviour or being harassed with texts and calls.

RELATED: Dismissive Avoidant Ex: You Want Me But Maybe I Don’t Want You

2.  Assume they want nothing to do with you

If you go to the house of a friend you had a falling out with. They see you coming and lock all the doors, windows and drew down the blinds. It is reasonable to conclude that they don’t want you there. They want you to leave. Similarly, when your ex cuts off all contact and blocks all access for you to contact them, assume they want you gone. The only self-respecting thing to do is leave them alone. Don’t keep trying to contact someone who is sending you a clear message. You lose their respect.

RELATED: 3 Ways ‘No Contact’ Hurts Your Chances (Attachment Styles)

3. See it for what it is, manipulation

If withholding attention, affection or love (silent treatment or cold shoulder), or trying to make you feel anxious, jealous, clingy or desperate is something your ex has a habit of doing or has done in the past, “no contact” is just more of the same.

You know what they say: “You teach people how they treat you.” If you take back someone who thinks it’s okay to punish you for ending a relationship that didn’t meet your needs, was deeply troubled (too many arguments and fights) or that was simply moving too fast for the level of commitment you were ready for; you are only re-confirming to them that withholding attention, affection or love works.

If refusing to continue a dysfunctional dynamic does not make your ex want to change; you know that the behaviour will continue if you get back together.  You can’t change someone else. The only person you can change is you. Saying “NO!” to emotional manipulation and/or abuse is taking care of your own emotional health, and cleaning up your emotional energy. You will be more ready for a relationship where you will be treated with the respect, affection and love you deserve.

RELATED: 5 Game-Changing Things To Do When Your Ex Is Playing Mind Games

4. Give your ex a chance to change their mind about cutting you off

If you still have feelings for your ex and can find a way to somehow reach out to your ex even if they cut you off.

My advice is reach out at least 3 times depending how you feel. The first time you reach out, tell them that you understand if they need space or a clean break to move on. But if there’s any hope of any kind of relationship in the future, cutting you off is not helping. The message it sends is that they do not want anything to do with you. If that is the message they’re sending, you get it. Sometimes no response is a response in itself. But if that’s not the message they’re trying to send, you want to hear directly from them.

If your ex doesn’t respond, take it for that it is. No response is a response. It’s best that you both move on.

5. Let your ex be the one to reach out first

Many people doing ‘no contact’ actually want contact, they just want you to contact them first. This makes them feel that you miss them and still want them. If you want your ex to know you miss them and want them back, reach out first. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter who reached out first. What matters is that you have a secure, healthy, and lasting relationship.

But if you try to reach out more than 2 times and your ex completely ignores you, and doesn’t even respond to tell you they want space, or don’t want you to contact them, avoidant or not, that’s downright disrespectful.
Stop contacting them. Leave them to contact you first. The more you keep contacting them, the more they feel ignoring you is what makes you want them. If they want you back, let them reach out first. You’ve done your part, the ball is now in their court.

RELATED: 7 Reasons Why Fearful Avoidants Do ‘No Contact’

6. Respect your ex’s request not to contact them

If your ex directly and clearly says they do not want you to contact them; respect their request and don’t keep contacting them. If they say they want ‘space or time”, ask them if that means they do not want you to contact them. If they say yes. Respect their boundary, and not contact them.

Not everyone ex who cuts you off all contact is doing it to get you to miss them or manipulate your feelings. Some people believe “no contact” is the best way for them to heal from the pain and move on. You may not like that this is how they choose to move on, but respect their wish. Some day you’ll want someone else to respect yours too.

REATED: Is It ‘No Contact’ If My Ex Asked Me Not To Contact Them?

7. Move on

Your ex cutting you off and ignoring you may actually be a good thing in that it allows you to move on.

It is time to start the process of moving on yourself.

Fair? Probably not. Heartbreaking? Yes. Healthy? YES! This is what someone with a secure attachment style would do. They try what is within their power to change, but if they’ve done their best and an ex is still won’t respond; they move on.

Availability and responsiveness are key to a secure relationship. If someone can’t even do that, the relationship is unsafe.

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309 Comments

  1. says: Marina

    I stopped contact with my ex because I was very hurt and didn’t want to keep arguing, but when I contacted him again and tried to speak to him he was very upset and everything became even worse. I know it wasn’t mature, but I didn’t know what to do. Now we talked again and things are still weird between us, but agreed to talk in a month again to see how things go. At least I feel more relaxed now.

    1. says: Love Doctor, Yangki C. Akiteng

      I understand feeling relaxed. But the reality is things will be even more weird in a month’s time. The longer you are disconnected from each other, the more you become like strangers.

      I have mentioned it over and over; people change (believe it or not). Your ex is having new experiences, meeting new people, doing new things etc, which you are not part of. Trying to fit back into his “new life” is harder than most people realize.

      The way I see it, you are both buying time to move on, or he is at least.

  2. says: Luisha

    My ex contacted me saying he still loves me after ignoring my several texts for 10 weeks. When I didn’t respond he sent me texts saying he wanted know how I am and whats going on in my personal life. I never answered his texts to make him feel better for what he did. After a month of trying to get me to answer the texts stopped. he will probably text me again after 10 weeks but I still won’t answer. Life is too short to waste on immature games and it was an unhealthy relationship.

  3. says: Zelia

    My ex sent me this article, now I see why. She has a point. Thanks you for making me realize what I was doing with NC was destroying our relationship.

  4. says: Knick

    When people break up for a good reason, it is usually forever. Attempts at contact are generally self serving and pointless. You can’t remain “friends” with someone who gave up on you and decided they were better off without you in their life.

    1. I am sure you are speaking about YOU. I can’t argue with that. You may be right that in your case it’s pointless to stay in contact… may be your breakup is forever.

      However, if you read stories on this blog, you’ll see that others have a whole different experience. Staying in contact made a huge difference, and for some, staying in contact is the main reason they got back their ex.

      Different folks, different stories.

  5. says: Nelturt001

    I didn’t try to stop my ex’s no contact and never contacted her in the 6 weeks she was in no contact. Now she’s mad that I didn’t try to get her back and texting me telling me she’s so over me but obviously she’s not. Why else is she mad that I didn’t try to get her back? She made it clear she wanted nothing to do with me when she initiated no contact, all I did was follow her lead.

    1. She’s mad because you didn’t try to stop her no contact. She had expected you to contact her to validate her reasons for doing no contact (make you miss her) but since you didn’t contact her she’s upset that you didn’t miss her.

      You getting all upset isn’t worth it. If you don’t want her back, then just let it go. If you want her back, then try to work things out instead of playing “who is more mad.”

  6. says: Cods

    I was abandoned by my mother when was 3, I am 38 years old but it still has effect on me. I will give you space if you ask for it but when you cease all contact after only one attempt to reach them to see if they are okay, I don’t contact them again even if they later contact me.

  7. says: Jamie

    Secure people will understand, and support your need for space, once you communicate that your space is necessary to your self-care and well being. After a certain amount of time has passed, they will check to see if you want to resume communication. BUT if you continuously ignore and not communicate at all, eventually after a couple of attempts, the secure person assumes you’re just not interested and they’ll go about their own thing. Why would I continue to contact someone who’s not interested?

  8. says: Alan08

    This explains why I’ve never understood the “No Contact” Rule or seen it as a viable way to win back someone you love. When I broke up with my ex, she sent me a “no contact” notice. At first I was shocked because we are both in our 40s, been married before and single parents of teenagers, I did not expect high school behavior from her. I have pleaded with her not to simply cut me off but she will not respond to any of my texts. Now I understand that she has a faulty relating programming and looking back see how I missed some of it during the 4 months we were together. You are right, this is not something I can personally fix and will continue even if we get back together. It’s best to move on.

    1. I’m glad the article helped you see some things more clearly. However, I suggest that you let your ex know why you’ve decided to move on. Like I said in the article, some people are not even aware that “no contact” is not a healthy way of relating. It is so much part of their emotional programming that they think it’s the way all people react to not getting what they want or loss of sense of control.

      If you are really intent on creating a more healthy relationship, your own reactions should reflect a healthy attitude and response.

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