Human emotions are really fragile and unless you understand when to act on a man or woman’s emotions, you’ll be in jeopardy, not only of failing to light the flame, but of destroying even the little spark of interest that was there in the beginning.
Just like in any dance, timing is everything, even more importantly than moves or steps. Knowing the correct time to act is not merely a matter of deciding what particular instant is the right moment to make a move, rather it’s knowing how to draw out corresponding emotions from others.
Similar to how a dancer or musician will feel when his or her timing is off, your “timing” is off (too soon, or too late) when:
1. You find it hard to find common points of interest, whether personal or professional.
2. You are overwhelmed, confused, and anxious most of the time.
3. The other person is not showing genuine interest in trying to make a connection.
4. You feel that the other person is somehow holding back.
5. You feel like you are hitting your head on a dead wall.
5. Your relationship is plagued with “communication problems”, and not matter that you try, nothing owrks.
6. The other person tells you something is missing.
7. He/she suddenly breaks up with you when you thought all was going well.
When this happens, the common mistake many men and women make is rationalize what’s going on, try to intellectually show the other person “you understand” how he/she feels, give some sort of advice or “small talk” or blame the other person (he/she has issues). This creates even more disconnection.
The best course is:
1) Stop the noise in your head and listen to the silence in your heart. By this I mean stop trying to make this about something other than what it is, emotional disconnection. If you feel something is off, it is.
2) Listen not only to what is being said but also what is not being said. The same way we pick up the change of emotions in a musician’s song, the moment when one emotion changes to another cannot be so easily seen with physiological eyes (like observing body language), but by making genuine effort to become emotionally “one” with that person. Therapists and counselors do this all the time, and many of us do it when we are not focused on trying to create an impression or manipulate one.
For example, if the other person is talking about something that makes them sad, we will naturally feel sad. If they smile or laugh, we smile and laugh too. Their emotions become our emotions and their feelings our feelings.
It’s “I feel you” that makes the other person feel emotionally connected to us. And the people we feel emotionally connected to are the people we are attracted to and want to be around. We don’t want to let them go because we think we may never experience that level of connection with someone else.