60 Days Of No Contact – I Reached Out But No Response

Question: I think my ex is a dismissive avoidant. I was blindsided by the breakup and immediately went 60-day no contact because that’s what all the advice said. After 60 days, I reached out because I felt that enough time and space apart will be required for me and her to get a clear perspective, but she did not respond. I guess it must have been awkward getting a text from me after 6o days of no communication, so, I dropped her another text asking her to let me know of a convenient time for us to talk briefly. It’s now 3 weeks and she still has not responded. I want to send her another text because at this point I feel it does not matter who initiates contact as reconciliation can only happen if there is respect and an honest attempt to communicate. But if she’s not responding how do we have honest communication?

Yangki’s Answer: You’re right that it doesn’t matter who initiates contact, and credit to you for reaching out first even though she broke up with you. That said, 60 days is a very long time to disappear from someone’s life. A lot can happen in that time.

The biggest risk is that the other person gets used to not having you in their life. If they can survive 60 days with no contact or communication, they can convince themselves they can survive forever without you.

1. Attachment bonds weaken over time

Most people have been led to think that you can always reconnect with an ex after enough time apart, but real-life experience and attachment theory show that without signals of safety or responsiveness, the attachment bond slowly weakens — especially with dismissive avoidant bonds that often weren’t very strong to begin with.

When silence stretches on, the attachment system begins to down-regulate, shifting from connection to self-protection and making closeness harder to access. If the absence lasts too long, the bond starts to feel unfamiliar or unsafe, and reconnection becomes much more difficult because the system now treats the relationship as a potential loss. Treating an attachment as loss is the brain’s way of helping us to move on.

2. No contact only helps someone gain clarity if they feel they need clarity

Most people who break up already believe they have a clear perspective — that’s why they ended the relationship in the first place. Their perspective is simply that the relationship isn’t working for them, and they don’t feel confused about that.

Giving an ex time and space only helps if they actually process the breakup. Some attachment styles — especially dismissive avoidants — rarely process breakups at all. Instead, they suppress feelings and move on emotionally without reflection. In these cases, 60 days of no contact doesn’t create clarity; it just creates distance.

Sometimes an ex doesn’t respond simply because their perspective hasn’t changed since the breakup.

3. Most exes don’t respond after 60 days of no contact

Most relationships end because of poor communication or a lack of honest communication. It’s unrealistic to expect 60 days of silence to fix that. More often, long no contact creates more disconnection, not less.

When there was poor communication before the breakup, your ex likely had many unanswered questions. With no one there to answer them, they fill in the blanks themselves. Those storylines may or may not be fair to you. Depending on the story they create, you either look more attractive — or completely unappealing.

By the time you reach out after 60 days, they may have already convinced themselves that you’re not what they want. That’s often why they don’t respond.

4. There’s also the influence of other people

Friends, family, therapists — who talk about you while you’re gone. Their opinions may not reflect the truth, but you’re not there to defend yourself or clarify anything. By the time you reappear, everyone important to your ex may have told them to move on.

Even if your ex still has feelings, they may not respond because they’re afraid of how it will look. Who takes back someone who ignored them for 60 days and then shows up acting like nothing happened?

5.  Reconnecting with you isn’t a priority for her

From attachment perspective she may be in a protective state. Usually after a breakup, the attachment system reduces emotional investment to protect against loss or rejection. This often happens after long gaps in contact, lack of emotional safety, unclear boundaries, or repeated signals of rejection.

Common signs of a down-regulated attachment system include:

• Less desire for closeness or intimacy
• Appearing indifferent or detached, even toward someone they care about
• Slow or minimal replies
• Little effort to maintain contact or repair the bond
• Feeling numb or emotionally disconnected

For avoidant attachment styles — dismissive or fearful — this usually looks like prioritizing self-protection over connection.

These are real consequences of long no contact that most people don’t consider — or don’t believe will happen. You can send another text just to feel like you tried, but in my experience with dismissive avoidants, after this long without communication, any chance of reconnection will happen if they reach out on their own. How likely is that for you? To be honest very unlikely.

RELATED:

How No Contact Hurts Your Chances (Attachment Styles Perspective)

This Is How An Avoidant Ex Reacts To You After No Contact