Question: I contacted my ex after 60 days of no contact. I felt that much space apart will be required for me and her to get a clear perspective. She did not respond. I guess it must have been awkward. So, I dropped her a text asking her to let me know of a convenient time so that I can talk to her briefly. I feel it does not matter who initiates contact as reconciliation can only happen if there is respect and an honest attempt to communicate.
Yangki’s Answer: You are so right about respect and an honest desire to communicate. It’s ironical that you chose to do “no contact” instead of an honest attempt to communicate.
You are also right that it does not matter who initiates contact, however, 60 days is a long time to be gone out of someone’s life. A lot can happen in that time. The worst being that the other person gets “used” to not having you in their life.
Why would they want back someone who was a daily constant in their live, and when the relationship ended, just fell off the face of the earth. And for 60 days made no attempt to find out how they were. What if they were ill or lost their job and needed a shoulder to cry on; but were too afraid to reach out because they broke up with you?
The getting “a clear perspective” works in very few relationships where two people had good communication. They were able to talk openly about the problems in the relationship even if they were not able to resolve them.
Most relationships end because of poor communication and/or no honest attempt to communicate. In these kind of relationships, a break-up raises even more questions. If there is no one to provide the answers, most exes fill in the blanks with their own storylines. Depending on your ex’s own storyline, you either come out looking more or less attractive.
When you contact them after 60 days of no contact, they don’t respond. Without the answers to the questions they had, they convinced themselves you are not what they want.
There is also what other people (friends, blogs, counselors etc) say about you in your absence; which may not be true of you. Since you are in no contact, you are not there to defend yourself or set the record straight. When you re-appear after your “no contact”, everyone who matters to you ex has told your ex to move on. Even if they want you back; they will not respond because they’re afraid of what people will think of them. Who takes back someone who ignored them for 60 days, and comes back acting like everything is cool?
These are all realities of “no contact” that most people either do not think about or don’t believe can happen!
You can try contacting her again, any respectful and honest desire to communicate is always a good start. But like I said, 60 days without contact is a very long time for most people! She may even already have someone else in her life. A real possible reality!