Why did my ex do this, and why is he/she doing that, are questions almost everyone who leaves a comment on my blog, or signs up for coaching wants the answer to.
But while some of the things your ex did or does are easy to explain, others can’t be explained. This is because there are so many reasons why people do the things they do. Most people don’t even know why they do the things they do.
For example, to you, it may be pretty obvious that when someone wants out of the relationship, it’s because something is wrong… there is cheating, too many arguments and fights, incompatibility issues, he/she has fallen out of love, etc. But that’s not what happens with your ex.
No fights, no cheating, similar values, interests, dreams and goals; and your ex says he/she loves you very much, but at the same time thinks you should go your separate ways.
And you’d think that when someone wants to break-up with you, they’ll at least sit down with you and tell you why they are breaking up with you. But not your ex. He/she breaks up with you via text or email, calls you up and callously tells you it’s over like the relationship meant nothing, or just disappears leaving you wondering what the heavens happened.
I can go on and on about the strange things exes do that leave you scratching your brain, seething with anger and/or wanting payback.
But since I’m more interested in helping people get their ex back than helping them tear their ex apart, I will in this article try to explain some of the immature and sometimes toxic things exes do, that should make you pause and ask yourself if you really want your ex back.
1. Breaks up with you and then immediately wants you back
They do this to see how much you really love or care about them, or just for the rush that comes with “making up”.
In their mind, they’ve somehow associated love with feeling extreme anxiety, fear and/or pain, and recreate the break-up experience to feel loved.
If you allow yourself to get drawn back in without sitting down and having a thorough discussion about the on-and-off-again pattern, you will find that over time, the “ons” become shorter and shorter, and the “offs” more and more frequent.
2. Contacts you then disappears only to reappear again
Same as in No.1. They do this to find out if you still have feelings for them. But unlike in No. 1 where the motive is to test your love and commitment, contacting you, disappearing and contacting you again is an ego-trip.
This happens mostly with an ex who feels slighted by the break-up (how could you leave me?), doesn’t want you to move on and “forget him/her”, has self-worth issues, or just enjoys playing mind games.
The longer he/she can keep you in “limbo” and unable to move on, the more boost to his/her ego.
3. Uses insults, put-downs and guilt-tripping to get you to respond
They do this because it’s the only way they know how to get anyone to pay attention. It’s the perfect example of cutting off the nose to spite the face.
When you respond, even if it’s to tell him/her to stop it or give him/her a taste of his/her own medicine, he/she will think he/she’s figured out how to rattle your cage. Every time he/she feels ignored or just wants attention (which is usually ALL the time), he/she goes crazy on you.
4. Picks a fight just to have a fight
You are having a perfectly wonderful time texting, on the phone or hanging out, but as soon as you indicate that you want to go, he/she starts a fight over something completely meaningless.
They do this to keep you there longer. And like the loving and caring person you are, you stay longer to try to calm him/her down and make him/her see how much you care about him/her. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work. Next time, he/she turns up the drama.
5. Cheats again, and again, and again.
They do this because they can.
He/she knows that you are addicted to him/her and are not going anywhere anytime soon, no matter how much they hurt you. Some exes even “serial-cheat” out of spite. They resent you so much for not having the courage to say “enough is enough”, and cheat just to hurt you.