5 Common Signs A Man Or Woman Is Playing You

signs-a-man-or-woman-is-palying-youQuestion: Everything was amazing for four months. We talked about future plans and what we want from the relationship. But then two weeks ago, he kind of started to pull away. I asked him why he all of a sudden seemed distant and he said he felt things were moving too fast.

I’m confused. I don’t know if he’s playing me or if he’s taking his time and just doesn’t want to rush anything. I just want to be sure he still wants to be with me and i’m not just wasting my time on a relationship that is going nowhere.

Yangki’s Answer: Just as each person is different, each relationship is different and the time frames that apply in one relationship may not apply in another.

But with all the head game-playing on both sides (and by even supposedly grown ups who should know better), it’s sometimes hard to tell who is just following some stupid rules, who is playing you and who is taking things slowly because they want to be sure they are making the right decisions.

I’ve tried to compile my own “signs” that help me when dealing with clients situations, and these are just 5 of some of the most obvious ones.

1. If you’re in the dark about what’s going on and he (or she) isn’t doing anything to explain or can’t come up with a plausible explanation of what is happening with the future of the relationship — you’re being played.

2. If the person suddenly pulls back from being fully involved (initiating contact, responding to your texts, emails, calls etc) to zero involvement (ignoring you or in a rush to get away) and he (or she) doesn’t care that his (or her) actions are hurting you — you’re being played.

3. If he (or she) is always saying he (or she) doesn’t have “enough” time for you but he (or she) seems to have enough time to do everything else including go out on other dates — you’re being played.

4. If he (or she) comes across as too good to be true or his (or her) words don’t always match his (or her) actions — you’re being played.

5. If he (or she) spends more time telling you that the relationship is neither right nor going anywhere, it is always the case that he (or she) is living down to his/her expectations – you are being played and you’re wasting your time.

Bottom line:  If there is positive energy and clear signs of “good-will” or loving intentions from the other person, then it’s most likely he (or she) just feels that things are moving too fast for him (or her) and just stepping back to reset the pace at which things are moving. He (or she) is not playing you.

Stepping back and resetting the pace of a relationship that was moving too fast should feel “right” for both of you. You may not always agree on just how much to pull back or even if things were going too fast, but there has to be a kind of comfort that things are still “moving forward”; a little slower but progressively moving forward.

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  • There’s plenty of people in the world to be friends with, why an ex? Many people have ended up cheating with an ex because of the history they have together. What if he has second thoughts about getting back together with them?

    I guess we should also throw trust and commitment out of the window and let people sleep with whoever they want.

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    • 1. “There’s plenty of people in the world to be friends with, why an ex?”

      True, but why not an ex? They are “people” too… 🙂

      2. What if he has second thoughts about getting back together with them?

      Those are his decisions and choices to make. The way I see it is, if a man (or woman) wants to cheat with an ex or someone else, he (or she) will cheat. Even if you try to prevent it, they’ll find ways to do it. That’s just a fact of life.

      Trust is given and trust is earned experientially – you cannot demand, coax, charm or wheedle it. But this is just me and I’m not saying I’m a “better” person for my outlook on life. I just have far more important and interesting things to do with my life than worry my little heart over who my guy might (or might not) cheat with.

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  • Not all friends, just his ex and attractive women who he might be tempted to have sex with. I’d not just tell him, I’d ask him politely to stop talking to his ex or hanging out with certain women. As for my ex bfs, I’m not friends with any of my ex bfs. The past is a past for a reason.

    Wouldn’t it bother you if the person you’re with talks to his ex or hangs around attractive women? I find that very strange!

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    • As a matter of fact, I’m NOT bothered by my guy talking to his exes or hanging out with attractive woman. I’m even good friends with all his exes and they’re very attractive women. It is one reason I was and still very attracted to him. He can be around stunningly attractive women, carry his own with confidence and won’t jump into bed just because he can.

      If you really cared about somebody – and they’re simply cool people who were good to you – it’s not like you appreciate them one day and you stop the next. It all depends on individual characters and how you remember them and how they remember you.

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  • That’s my point. If he wants to be with you then his ex should be something of the past. I’d be bothered if my bf still talked fondly of his ex or was friends with his ex. I would never feel like I was priority in his life.

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    • So for you to feel like priority in his life, you feel that you should have a say in who your bf should and should not talk to or hang out with. Wouldn’t that make you appear seriously insecure? How do you think your bf would take it you telling him who he can be friends with or hang out with? How would you feel if your bf told you who you can hang out with or be friends with? Just curious…

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    • I see what you mean. I wouldn’t necessary put that down as an obvious sign. Yes, he may still talk fondly of his ex girlfriend but if it’s in past tense, then that’s over. You’re the one he wants to be with now.

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