5 Common Signs A Man Or Woman Is Playing You

signs-a-man-or-woman-is-palying-youQuestion: Everything was amazing for four months. We talked about future plans and what we want from the relationship. But then two weeks ago, he kind of started to pull away. I asked him why he all of a sudden seemed distant and he said he felt things were moving too fast.

I’m confused. I don’t know if he’s playing me or if he’s taking his time and just doesn’t want to rush anything. I just want to be sure he still wants to be with me and i’m not just wasting my time on a relationship that is going nowhere.

Yangki’s Answer: Just as each person is different, each relationship is different and the time frames that apply in one relationship may not apply in another.

But with all the head game-playing on both sides (and by even supposedly grown ups who should know better), it’s sometimes hard to tell who is just following some stupid rules, who is playing you and who is taking things slowly because they want to be sure they are making the right decisions.

I’ve tried to compile my own “signs” that help me when dealing with clients situations, and these are just 5 of some of the most obvious ones.

1. If you’re in the dark about what’s going on and he (or she) isn’t doing anything to explain or can’t come up with a plausible explanation of what is happening with the future of the relationship — you’re being played.

2. If the person suddenly pulls back from being fully involved (initiating contact, responding to your texts, emails, calls etc) to zero involvement (ignoring you or in a rush to get away) and he (or she) doesn’t care that his (or her) actions are hurting you — you’re being played.

3. If he (or she) is always saying he (or she) doesn’t have “enough” time for you but he (or she) seems to have enough time to do everything else including go out on other dates — you’re being played.

4. If he (or she) comes across as too good to be true or his (or her) words don’t always match his (or her) actions — you’re being played.

5. If he (or she) spends more time telling you that the relationship is neither right nor going anywhere, it is always the case that he (or she) is living down to his/her expectations – you are being played and you’re wasting your time.

Bottom line:  If there is positive energy and clear signs of “good-will” or loving intentions from the other person, then it’s most likely he (or she) just feels that things are moving too fast for him (or her) and just stepping back to reset the pace at which things are moving. He (or she) is not playing you.

Stepping back and resetting the pace of a relationship that was moving too fast should feel “right” for both of you. You may not always agree on just how much to pull back or even if things were going too fast, but there has to be a kind of comfort that things are still “moving forward”; a little slower but progressively moving forward.

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37 Comments

  • I had an experience with one of my ex-boyfriends. He couldn’t let go about a relationship that happened 3 months before I even met him. It drove me nuts! Did I say he is now my ex? Insecure men are such a turn off.

    I do however think that if he keeps bringing up his ex, he’s not over her yet.

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    • I totally agree… if he/she keeps bringing up an ex, then there are some “unresolved” issues there. But does it necessarily mean you’re being “played?” Some people get “stuck in the past” even when they have no second thoughts of getting back with an ex… anger, pain of rejection/abandonment, etc.

      ***Keeps bringing up an ex — tale-tell sign with a question mark. There is a possibility he/she could be on the rebound and using you (but not intentionally) to get over an ex (and you may even know it but choose to believe what you want to believe).

      But there are also some men and women who don’t want the person they’re dating to say anything positive about an ex… they ask questions and when the person answers honestly, they automatically conclude “he/she’s not over an ex yet!” They assume all exes are exes because they were “bad” people, and all break-ups are nasty/painful – which is not true for everyone.

      ***Says positive (fond) things about an ex — not necessarily a red flag unless they’re saying it in ways that suggest they still have hopes of someday getting back together.

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    • Women say the same thing about men… “Men love a challenge. If there’s no challenge, he’ll have no interest in you.”

      The reality though is that SOME Women love a challenge, and SOME men love a challenge. MOST women and MOST men don’t. You put too many roadblocks and they lose interest (too much work!)

      And those that love the challenge… well, they love THE CHALLENGE… and always looking for the next one.

      The problem for many men and women is that they’re looking for a relationship, but go for men and women looking for a challenge… go figure!

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  • Yangki, I hear what you are saying, but wouldn’t confronting him with it cause him to pull away? Last time when I accused him of hiding things from me, he was so angry.

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    • I wasn’t talking about “confronting” him. In my opinion, “confront” implies an accuser and a defendant, one who’s right and one who’s wrong, a winner and a loser, etc. Most situations when approached with that kind of mindset don’t end well.

      I’m talking about being open with him about how you feel without making it look like he’s done something wrong. For all you know at this point, it’s probably just your issues… nothing is going on.

      Will he get upset or pull away? May be. But keeping things in actually causes more damage than getting it out in the open.

      When you keep it in, it eats at you and one day it comes out in ways you had not planned or can handle. An argument or fight begins. Things get out of hand. Often times at this point, it’s too late to do any thing to make things better.

      Planning before hand, how and when you bring it out in the open gives you better control of yourself and of the conversation. But more importantly, you get to address the issue before it gets to the point when it’s too late to do anything.

      Most people appreciate you expressing your concerns in a reasonable rationale way than acting irrationally or sneaking behind their back.

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