Question: Yangki, I feel that my ex doesn’t want to let me go. He says things that give me hope. I don’t know if I hear what I want to hear and there is not hope. We have been broken for 4 months. I know you can’t predict the future; I am just wondering if in your experience there are any signs your ex doesn’t want to let you go. When does one know when to give up or when to let go trying to get an ex back? Your answer is much appreciated.
Yangki’s Answer: I have doing this a long time and you are right; I can’t predict the future (I wish I could). Sometimes I think there is hope and things don’t turn out well; and other times I think there is no hope and voila! Love does it’s thing.
What I can give you is signs that an ex doesn’t want to let you go; or is not ready to let you go yet. Some of these behaviours mean there is hope that someday you will get back together. Some of them mean that your ex doesn’t want to let you go, at least not yet.
1) Your ex wants to stay in contact (and/or hang out)
It doesn’t matter that in the initial stages your ex is not initiating contacts; if they are engaged and participating in the conversation after you initiate it; it means there is a part of your ex that still wants you to be a part of their life; and/or is not ready to let you go.
2) Your ex acts like someone who still loves you
Saying that they love you alone doesn’t mean much because one can love someone but not want a relationship with them. But if your ex is not saying you will never get back together and has mentioned a few times that “you never know” what will happen in the future, it means they have not let go the possibility that you may get back together. It’s not much to go by, but it’s enough to not let go.
3) Your ex thinks the relationship can work but wants to take things slow
Your ex telling you they want to take things slow is sign they have not let go, but wanting to take things slow must be accompanied with actions that tell you that your ex wants a new and better relationship than the one you had. For example, they start initiating contact, there is increased contact between the two of you, they are emotionally opening up and letting you back in, they acknowledge and appreciate the changes you have made/are making, them include you in things they see themselves doing in the future (e.g. travel plans, personal milestones etc).
4) Your ex isn’t seriously dating or looking to get into a relationship
An ex who has not let go of a possibility of the the two of you getting back together is not going to go looking for a serious relationship or get into one. Even if they are ready to date again, go out on dates and may even be in a relationship, if they they spend more time talking to you or confide more in you than they do the new man or woman they are currently dating, it means they are not ready to let you go. But if they keep telling you the new relationship is good and they want to give it a real chance or worry that talking to you may hurt their chances with the new man or woman, it means that they are telling themselves to let you go, and will eventually.
5) Your ex allows you unrestricted access to the people closest to him
This is especially the case if your ex has young children and they developed an attachment to you. Most responsible parents will not introduce a new man/woman into their children’s life until an ex is completely out of the picture. Letting their young children continue a relationship with you means that your ex is not ready to introduce someone new into their lives.
These 5 signs that your ex doesn’t want to let you go are all happening together; you have reason to be VERY hopeful.
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