Question: Yangki, when does one know when to give up or when to let go trying to get an ex back? I know you can’t predict the future, I am just wondering if in your experience there are any special indicators that one should continue to hope?
Yangki’s Answer: I have doing this a long time and you are right, I can’t predict the future (I wish I could). Sometimes I think there is hope and things don’t turn out well, and other times I think there is no hope and voila! Love does it’s thing.
What I can give you is behaviours that should encourage you to have hope. The emphasis is “encourage” because hope is something that only cones from within you.
In my experience there are many behaviours that should give you hope but just a few that actually mean there is hope.
1) Your ex wants to stay in contact (and/or hang out)
It doesn’t matter that in the initial stages he/she is not initiating the contacts, if he/she is engaged and participates in the conversation after you initiate it, it means there is a part of him/her that still wants you to be a part of his/her life, and/or is not to let you go.
2) Your ex acts like someone who still loves you
Saying that he/she loves you alone doesn’t mean much because one can love someone but not want a relationship with him or her. But if your ex is not ruling out getting back together in the future, and it means that they are holding on to hope that the relationship can still work.
3) Your ex thinks the relationship can work but wants to take things slow
This is not the same as your ex saying he/she wants to see “where things go” or wants to “let things happen naturally”. Both of these are good indicators of where your ex is at, but they don’t tell you much about his or thoughts about a future with you. Wanting to take things slow must be accompanied with actions that tell you that your ex wants a new and better relationship than the one you had. E.g. he/she acknowledges and appreciates the changes you have made/are making, is working on him/herself, includes you in things they see themselves doing in the future (e.g. travel plans, personal milestones etc).
4) Your ex isn’t seriously dating or looking to get into a relationship
He/she isn’t ready to date and/or doesn’t think they want a relationship “at the moment”. If he/she is dating or in a relationship it doesn’t feel like it because he/she spends more time talking to you or confides more in you than he/she does the new man or woman he/she is currently dating.
5) Your ex allows you unrestricted access to the people closest to him
This is especially the case if your ex has young children and they developed an attachment to you. Most responsible parents will not introduce a new man/woman into their children’s life until an ex is completely out of the picture. Letting his/her children continue a relationship with you means that your ex is not ready to introduce someone new into their lives.
These 5 signs all happening together should give you reason to be VERY hopeful.