There are good reasons and bad reasons to keep communication open with your ex. But if you want your ex back, the good reasons to stay in contact outweigh the bad ones. On top of the list of good reasons is the importance of having open lines of communication.
Communication is one of the top causes, if not, “the” top cause of break-ups. It’s no surprise that “communicating with your ex” is one of the biggest challenges post break-up; and also the most polarizing when it comes to how to attract back your ex.
Reasons to keep communication open and not to go no contact
Some people believe no contact will make their miss them and want to come back. Others like myself believe that; the easiest way to send a message to your ex that you don’t want anything to do with them now or ever is to cut off communication. The message you send is that you want to be left alone and not be contacted; and most exes listen to you and never reach out.
Let alone the fact that it is harder to reconnect with an ex after weeks of no contact than most people realize. In your head is looks all clear. After no contact, you will reach out and your ex will be happy to hear from you. But the reality is much different than the theory in your head. Some exes will respond, but most exes don’t respond. Even when they respond, you will struggle to get back that emotional connection; because emotions are not something you can just turn on and off at will.
If you want your ex to know that you want them to contact you; it is necessary to keep the lines of communication open. To send the message that you are open to some form of contact.
These 5 compelling reasons to keep communication open with your ex increase the chances you will get back together:
1. Keep communication open with your ex to slowly rebuild trust
Break-ups leave lingering feelings of suspicion, mistrust and tension, particularly when things haven’t been going well for a while. The message you send by blocking communication is that the relationship is beyond repair. That message is louder and clearer if poor communication or trust was what caused the break-up in the first place.
2. Keep communication open with your ex to stay up-to-date
After a break-up, things simply are not what they appear to be even if you think you know your ex. Loss of communication means that you are disconnected from each other and from what’s happening in each other’s lives. The longer you stay away, the more disconnected the two of you become. You become “strangers” to each other.
Keeping the lines of communication keeps you up-to-date with what’s important to your ex. These can be topics for emotionally connecting conversations.
3. Keep communication open with your ex so you can show you are safe
Willingness and ability to keep the lines of communication open in unpleasant situations is a one of the traits of a securely attached person It shows you are secure within yourself and are able to compartmentalize your emotions. While “No Contact” helps you avoid misunderstandings and potentially explosive situations, it sends a subtle but powerful message about your inability to handle your own emotions and the emotions of others. Whatever happens later, it’s hard to change the implanted image of someone who can’t handle difficult emotions.
4. Keep communication open with your ex to take advantage of opportunities to show your ex you’ve changed
Many people don’t believe people change, until they can actually see the change. Your ex is more likely to believe you have changed if they can experience the change as it happens than if you disappear for months and reappear claiming you have changed. Open lines of communication give you opportunities to demonstrate that things can be different.
If for example, the relationship ended because you argued a lot or you overreacted to things, open lines of communication offer you opportunities to avoid arguing or show you can listen to your ex and accept their perspective and not overreact simply because you disagree.
5. Keep communication open with your ex to assess your chances sooner than later
So many people waste 1-3 months doing ‘no contact’ and holding hope of getting their ex back only to reach out and find their ex has moved on; or doesn’t want anything to do with them. Open lines of communication provide better clarity of where things stand and if there is even a remote possibility of the two of you getting back together. If you see there is no hope, you can cut your loses and move on.
As you can see, keeping the lines of communication open with your ex significantly increases your chances of getting back together.
To make the best of the open lines of communication, make sure that you focus on quality and respectful communication instead of just timed contact. It is also important that you don’t expect or demand the kind of contact and communication that two people who are still together enjoy.
A break-up changes everything. Trying to force things to be like before the break-up can do more harm than good. You find yourselves continuing the destructive pattern of communication that caused the break-up; and things are getting worse instead of better.