5 Male Basic Attraction Traits – Not Deal Breakers (Maybe?)

A friend sent me a link to Lori Gottlieb article in wowowow.com. Just in case you’re wondering what all the wowos mean, it’s a women on the Web website.

The article is a recap of her new book which reveals why you may be wrong about Mr. Right. Ms. Gottlieb writes, “You can’t just order up the perfect husband á la carte. I’ll take a little of this, a little of that, less of this and more of that. Recognizing that isn’t settling. It’s maturity. The key is to focus on the qualities that lead to long-term romantic happiness”.

In my humble opinion, no one should have to “settle” and I do not believe people should get into a relationship all for the sake of having one, but I also believe that many women are getting just too picky.

There is just too much uncompromising rigidity and too many “rules” out there that make it almost impossible for any man to meet the Mr. Perfect standards even if he meets all the standards for Mr. Right.

Some women don’t even know what it what anymore. They get too picky on things that they don’t even know why they’re picky about, and not picky enough on things that really matter to happiness, fulfillment and success in relationships. Many get drunk on chemistry with someone with zero compatibility and others want everything but bring nothing to the relationship except a list of demands and expectations.

According to Ms. Gottlieb, she learned five basic traits in a partner that are not deal breakers and don’t really determine happiness, fulfillment and success in relationships.

1. His height

Ms. Gottlieb’s advice: Maybe if you spent an hour with Danny DeVito or Robert Reich, all of a sudden you would say, “You know what? This is somebody I could actually spend my life with” – even though the height is never going to be ideal. It all depends on what else he brings to the table.

My advice: I was for many years guilty of 6 ‘1 and above preference, so I really have no right telling others “don’t be too picky.” All I can say is, I’ve met and know many men (some 5’2) and they make me ashamed of myself but I am above average in height and with heels on, they have to be taller than me otherwise that on-my-toes-kiss is not happening.

2. His Online profile

Ms. Gottlieb’s advice: Don’t rule out a guy because you think you know what it means that he misspelled a word or likes Madonna. You have no idea who this person is until you meet him. An online profile  “is like reading the ingredients on a box of food and trying to imagine what it would taste like.”

My advice: While it’s good practice — in fact a necessity – to try to weed out time wasters, keep in mind that nobody is perfect – at least not all the time. Besides, some of the “perfect” too-good-to-be-true smooth operators are the ones you should be weary of.

3. His Occupation

Ms. Gottlieb’s advice: It’s okay to be attracted to super-ambitious and charismatic guys who are leaders — but it’s hard to find a person who has that kind of personality and also makes time for you and is able to put you first when it counts. So don’t count out Joe, the cute elementary school teacher…

My advice: She’s right, ladies! Sam the cute elementary school teacher may not be your everyday so-called-‘Alpha- Male’ but if he can handle kids, he’s most likely also assertive, confident, sensitive, kind, responsible and reliable – and may be really hot and super- charismatic too!

4. His age 

Ms. Gottlieb’s advice: It doesn’t really matter much in the scheme of things if he is 12 years older but still handsome. You’re going to be wrinkled one day and thrilled to be with a man who finds you attractive anyway.

My advice: This one is a controversial one. I think that when looking at age, one has to look beyond “looking the age” to “compatibility” (i.e. stage in life, life goals and dreams, interests and hobbies, how they fit in with your social circle etc.).

5. How he compares to “my type”

Ms Gottlieb’s advice: People can surprise you. Ms Gottlieb says she ended up falling hard for a 5’6″, balding, bow-tie-wearing guy. He wasn’t who she had in mind, but he was who she wanted to be with. And that, of course, is the thing that matters most

My advice: People can REALLY surprise you. Choose carefully, but don’t be too picky, and live to regret it.

There you have Ms Gottlieb’s advice and my advice…-eh-eh-em… commentary. What have you learned over the years and what is your advice? Any leavers with regrets? You just never know who might be reading this today and will think twice about dismissing Mr. or Ms.  Right.

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  1. says: Femmevoltage

    Yangki, I agree with everything you’ve said in your post and comments but I also think some not so confident with some self esteem issues guys will use this as further evidence that all women are picky and have high and unreasonable expectations.

    1. I hear you Femmevoltage (cooool handle, I like!)

      I did think about the possibility that this might come across to some as “all women are picky and have high and unreasonable expectations.” But then again any man who thinks so already has “issues” with ALL women and will see anything as confirmation of what he already believes; the same way a woman who has “issues” with men thinks ALL men think with their you-know-what and sees “evidence” of this in anything and everything any man says or does. It’s just one of those things…

  2. says: Sage Man

    I actually don’t think I’m all that too picky, but you’re right, some of my male friends are. Like most people I have a criteria for the type of woman I’d like for a partner but it’s not a dead set list.

  3. says: darkpsymon

    I agree but i have noticed men seem to be excepting women more or i might be wrong about this but i am single and available and women just dont seem interested in me. I dont knw what it is about me but women just dont want to knw any tips?
    But here is what i learned the hard way. Love is when two people are willing to make sacrifices for each other why you ask? because even if you find your soul mate you will still have arguments and relationship problems for the simple reason that nobody is perfect i learned the hard that the most special person in your life isnt going to be the perfect person in your life.

  4. says: Sage Man

    Women expect men to have it all – perfect job, perfect car, perfect house, perfect parents, perfect body, perfect everything. They’re always looking for someone way out of their league and ignoring or rejecting decent, available men who’d make them happy.