4 Things To Let Go If You Want Your Ex Back

how-letting-go-helps-get-back-your-exIf you are on this site, reading this article, it must be because a part of you does not want to give up on your ex; to move on as everyone is telling you to.

I admire and respect you for being true to who you are and not listening to the “move on” crowd. People who run away from problems or when things don’t go their way do so out of fear of failure or because it’s a familiar reaction when things don’t go their way. But nobody ever became successful at anything by running away from it – and once a quitter, always a quitter.

That said, there is a difference between stubbornly refusing to give up and trying to make things work. Stubbornly refusing to give up (holding on even tighter, clinging, nagging, complaining, getting angry, giving ultimatums, threatening, etc.) does not help make things better, it just makes things worse. Nothing kills attraction faster than “trying too hard” and nothing ends a relationship faster than trying to control it.

If you really want to turn your relationship around or at least try to, start by letting go the need to control the relationship, your partner or your ex. Let go on a mental, physical, emotional and spiritual level.

1. Mentally – Letting go mentally means stop all the planning, scheming, calculating, over-analyzing, worrying and obsessing about the relationship. Just stop! Stop trying so hard to force the outcome you want. Accept that there is nothing more to DO and allow yourselves to be together without trying to control the experience or the outcome.

2. Emotionally – Letting go emotionally means letting go of fear – fear of rejection, fear of loss, fear of what other people will say etc. The reason you need to let fear go is because fear distorts reality and while you might be “doing only God knows” to save this relationship, your very actions which are being driven by fear are creating what you fear most. To be able to let go off your fears, you must face your emotions and allow them to inform, teach and help you. The best way to do this is to ride each wave of emotion with patience.

3. Physically – Letting go physically means releasing the anger, resentment, guilt, blame, tension, stress and pent up emotions built up in your body.

Physical activity (gym, sports, walking, dancing etc) helps. If you need to, go somewhere safe for you to scream, shout, yell etc. Let yourself go, let it out!

Sometimes letting go physically may require you to physically walk away from the situation at a time when you feel you must hold on. But do not walk away out of anger, fear, an attempt at emotional blackmail or some other weak energy. This usually backfires. Explain to him why you need time alone and offer reassurance that you’ll be back. Even if he does not see it your way, give yourself permission to do what is right for your well-being.

4. Spiritually – Letting go spiritually means believing that good things can happen anytime, and even the things that look bad if you can open yourself and allow the experience to unfold will move you to a better place -whatever that place IS.

More: How Letting Go Helps Get Back Your Ex

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  1. says: Sandy

    I made a lot of mistakes because I was not emotionally healthy when I was in a relationship with my ex and then tried to get back with him too soon. I started to grieve the old relationship and just be present for my ex as his friend. It has developed into a real authentic friendship, and we are spending more time together. He’s dealing with depression and changing his careers. It’s at times frustrating not to be with him in way I want to be but the experience is teaching me strength and unconditional love.

  2. says: Kerstin

    I literally bless the day I stumbled upon your website. Your advice on dealing with a failing relationship has helped turn my relationship situation from one that was headed towards a breakup to something I now see has a potential of being the relationship I always wanted. I just want to say Thank You :=)

  3. says: blossom

    Once again, a wonderful posting. We cannot always control the outcomes in a manner we would like but if we allow things to go, what will return to us will be the best outcome for our lives.

  4. says: Joycen

    I’m in a similar situation with my husband of 11 years. He keeps telling me if I just let go and stop trying to control him and the marriage things would be a lot different. In my head I know he is right but in practice it’s hard to ignore the fact that he is not committing to the relationship as much as I am. I’ve seriously considered divorce because it seems much simpler to find love else where than to continue everyday in a stressful, relationship.