If you are on this site, reading this article, it must be because a part of you does not want to give up on your ex; to move on as everyone is telling you to.
I admire and respect you for being true to who you are and not listening to the “move on” crowd. People who run away from problems or when things don’t go their way do so out of fear of failure or because it’s a familiar reaction when things don’t go their way. But nobody ever became successful at anything by running away from it – and once a quitter, always a quitter.
That said, there is a difference between stubbornly refusing to give up and trying to make things work. Stubbornly refusing to give up (holding on even tighter, clinging, nagging, complaining, getting angry, giving ultimatums, threatening, etc.) does not help make things better, it just makes things worse. Nothing kills attraction faster than “trying too hard” and nothing ends a relationship faster than trying to control it.
If you really want to turn your relationship around or at least try to, start by letting go the need to control the relationship, your partner or your ex. Let go on a mental, physical, emotional and spiritual level.
1. Mentally – Letting go mentally means stop all the planning, scheming, calculating, over-analyzing, worrying and obsessing about the relationship. Just stop! Stop trying so hard to force the outcome you want. Accept that there is nothing more to DO and allow yourselves to be together without trying to control the experience or the outcome.
2. Emotionally – Letting go emotionally means letting go of fear – fear of rejection, fear of loss, fear of what other people will say etc. The reason you need to let fear go is because fear distorts reality and while you might be “doing only God knows” to save this relationship, your very actions which are being driven by fear are creating what you fear most. To be able to let go off your fears, you must face your emotions and allow them to inform, teach and help you. The best way to do this is to ride each wave of emotion with patience.
3. Physically – Letting go physically means releasing the anger, resentment, guilt, blame, tension, stress and pent up emotions built up in your body.
Physical activity (gym, sports, walking, dancing etc) helps. If you need to, go somewhere safe for you to scream, shout, yell etc. Let yourself go, let it out!
Sometimes letting go physically may require you to physically walk away from the situation at a time when you feel you must hold on. But do not walk away out of anger, fear, an attempt at emotional blackmail or some other weak energy. This usually backfires. Explain to him why you need time alone and offer reassurance that you’ll be back. Even if he does not see it your way, give yourself permission to do what is right for your well-being.
4. Spiritually – Letting go spiritually means believing that good things can happen anytime, and even the things that look bad if you can open yourself and allow the experience to unfold will move you to a better place -whatever that place IS.