4 Things NOT TO DO When Your Ex Feels Betrayed

Question: My ex and I broke up and I made the mistake of hanging out with her best friend and confiding in her. Unbeknownst to me she had feelings for me and we ended up kissing. I quickly came to my senses and nothing more happened. But then her friend goes and tells her that we made out and now my ex is furious. I did the denial thing at first, but she insisted, and I explained to her that I was trying to get help from her friend to get her back and have no interest in her friend whatsoever. I am not even attracted to her.

She says she wants to believe me because she knows her friend had a crash on me but feels betrayed even if it was just a kiss. Btw, they are no longer friends and she does not talk to her anymore. How do I deal with this?

Yangki’s Answer: Sometimes finding out about something hurts more than what happened. Also, different people deal with betrayal in different ways. Some people after a while can move past it and some people never get over something like that whether they consider it cheating or not.

I suggest you apologize and completely own up to your role in what happened. Then give her time to work through her emotions. Give her time does not mean stop contacting her. It means that you stop:

1) trying to justify your actions
2) trying to make her understand why you did what you did
3) get her to “forgive you” and move past it
4) make her take you back.

How she feels is hers and hers alone. Let her work through her emotions. Your responsibility is making sure that you are earning her trust by consistently showing her through your actions that she can trust you again. It won’t hurt to ask her what will make her feel that she can once again trust you and try to make sure that she can see that you are doing what she says will make her trust you again.

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