There are break-ups that are permanent and nothing one does will change an ex’s mind. It’s over. Final.
And there are break-ups that are temporary. Sometimes this is because the feeling of being in love has faded, but most times it’s because two people who love each other very much just can’t seem to make the relationship work.
Confusing, right? How can anyone say they love you and not want to be in a relationship? Shouldn’t love just be enough?
Unfortunately, No. Love is not enough.
As discussed in many of my articles and eBook, love is something that happens to us. Your heart opens up tot someone and most times you can’t control or help who you love. You feel it and it’s there. But with a relationship, it’s a practical decision that we make. Most of the time (and hopefully), it’s a conscious and rational decision based on 1) whether or not the person meets certain criteria/personal preferences, needs, wants etc, and 2) a rational analysis of available alternatives.
When one person no longer meets what the other is looking for in a relationship, the relationship will inevitably struggle, and finally end, even when the love part of the relationship is still strong.
Sometimes you get two people who still love each other very much, but keep breaking up and getting back together several times. Despite their strong feelings for each other, they just can’t figure out how to be and stay in a relationship.
But once in a while, you get those that finally figure out how to BE and STAY in a relationship. Lots of self-introspection, personal growth, and genuine effort to make the relationship work.
Over the years helping men and women get back their ex, I’ve noted that certain types of break-ups are not final, and certain types of exes are easier to get back than others. These include an ex who:
1) is not sure whether he/she wants a break or break-up.
2) ended the relationship on impulse, e.g. due to a nasty verbal fight.
3) ended things due to personal life stressors (and needs space/time to him/herself)
4) wants to maintain some form of contact/and or wants to remain friends.
More often than not, these exes have not come to a final/firm decision about the future of the relationship. They are still emotionally flexible, and depending on the dominant emotions, are more open to changing their minds.
The hours or days just after a break-up are the most critical. If you push too hard for them to make a decision to get back together, you’ll push them to make a decision against the relationship with you. They may even decide it’s best not to have any contact, not because that’s what they want, but because they feel they are being punished with so many texts, emails and phone calls.
On the other hand, if you pull away or distance yourself, you will set the tone for them to decide that detaching from you is the best decision.