4 SECRETS Of People Who Get Back Their Ex – Pt 5

4- Keep trying for as long as you can do it

There is no magic number for how many times you should try to get back your ex or keep reaching out when your ex pulls back. For an ex who is not responsive, try at least three times to make sure it’s really over. For one who is open to contact and is responsive, keep trying for as long as you can do it.

If you are concerned about “wasting your time” or “being led on”, create for yourself small milestones to help you keep track of your progress. Revisit these milestones from time to time and if necessary make adjustments so that you are not just blindly beating a dead horse.

It’s very important that your milestones are as realistic to the situation as possible. Unrealistic milestones give the impression things are better or worse than they really are.

As mentioned in my other articles and in my book Dating Your Ex, persistence is not just a matter of stubbornly refusing to give up, or an excuse to make your ex’s life miserable.

  • You have to make the necessary changes that make you attractive to your ex, again.
  • You have to have a good plan of action (you might want to check with people you trust if your plan of action is realistic and/or effective).
  • You must be able to connect with your ex beyond “Hi, what’s up?” or “How’s your day”.
  • You must consistent in your words and actions, and be seen as committed to making the relationship work.
  • You have to know how hard to push and when to step back and let things unfold naturally.

Last but not least, you have to know when it’s time to give up. That point when you know it’s time is not always black-and-white clear. What I find helps is keeping track of your progress. If after three months of doing all the above, you are exactly where you were when you began, then may be it’s time to give up.

But if you can see progress, even small progress, it’s not over!

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57 Comments

  • I have gained clarity through reading your articles and book. I was a little selfish and did not really think about how my actions affect my ex. I since reached out to him but he is still guarded. I know in your book you say it takes time to get him to open up, so I’m doing this eyes open and with no unrealistic expectations.

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  • Yangki, you are my God-send. There have been a few times when it looked like it was over, and I read your advice and was motivated to keep going. Things are good between he and I right now and I am hopeful, but I also understand that it may not work. In the event that it doesn’t work, I want to know that I tried everything. We were together 14 long years, and that’s too long a time to just walk away without a big fight.

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  • Yangki, since applying your methods my ex is texting me more asking about how things are with me. We send each other videos and pictures of things we both like. He still calls me by the pet name he did when we were together. All indications are there that he still has feelings for me but he told me the other day that he likes to spend time with me but is not thinking of us getting back together. It seems that he just wants to be friends.

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    • It’s possible he just wants to be friends but it’s also possible that he wants to take things slow. Just because he is not thinking of getting back together now doesn’t mean he won’t change his mind weeks or months from now.

      If I were you I wouldn’t give up just yet.

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  • I recently came across your site. I’ve done everything wrong including blowing her phone, crying, pleading and nc for 5 weeks. Last evening I sent her a text apologizing for the way I handled things and she immediately wrote back saying she understood. I’m going to follow your advice and hope that I didn’t wait to long to start making all the right moves in trying to win her back.

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    • If she’s still open to contact and responds, it’s not too late.

      I suggest not talking about how you handled things or the break-up again. Use the advice on here to help you move things forward slowly and steadily.

      View Comment
  • 11 months have gone by and we are still not together. All my attempts to try to get her back have been in vain. I get He mixed signals where she says she still loves me but does not wants to be with me. I feel hopeless and foolish because I tried everything and now I am back full circle. All the books seem useless. I want to buy your book, but I am not sure it will help. What is your advice? Will your book help?

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    • I understand your frustration. Unfortunately, books and/or advice can only do so much. The person who holds the key to your success is YOU.

      There is a reason why she loves you but does not want to be with you. Until that reason is no longer an issue (for her), all the advice in books will not help.

      Make sure that YOU have done the personal work that makes you someone she wants to be with. Blanket change because some “expert” or “guru” says that’s what “women want” is a complete waste of time. You don’t want to be with “women”, you want to be with this particular WOMAN. The change that makes a difference is one that makes HER want to be with you.

      Dating Your Ex eBook will help you start a NEW relationship with your ex, but only when you are ‘better’ than the person your ex broke up with.

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  • Me and my ex got back together after 4 weeks of no contact. However, we broke up again 4 months later. We had a love-hate relationship and I honestly wish I never got back with her because now I realize what a manipulative person that she is. Every time we had a disagreed which was every other week, she did not talk to me until I begged, bought her flowers and took her to expensive dinners. She did this or the entire 3 years we were together. Like a fool, I still loved her. I finally came to my senses and broke it off. Two weeks later she was with another guy. I hear they broke up a couple of weeks ago and yesterday I received a text from her. I am not going to respond nor give her any attention. I am done. I feel like the lucky one that got away.

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    • Good for you for recognizing emotional abuse and taking yourself out of the situation.

      Whatever excuse people give… silent treatment, intentionally ignoring someone to hurt them, distancing yourself from someone to get your way, cutting off contact to manipulate someone into missing you… is emotional abuse.

      In my opinion, anyone who accepts such behaviour deserves what they get.

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  • my ex came back a month ago after almost one year breakup. i came across your site several years ago when tying to get back with another ex but ultimately that didnt work out and for good reason. i would never have met the love of my life.

    he ended with me because of my insecurities. i came back to your site and right away started working on me and keeping the lines of communication open. i worked on showing him i was working on me and working on emotionally connecting.

    there were days that i thought it was never going to happen. it was over and he had moved on. but i had invested too much to give up. my chances looked bleak, but anything was possible if I took small progressive steps and never wavered on my love for him. I got that internal motivation and strength from reading your books and site. thank you yangki for all you do!

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