4- Keep trying for as long as you can do it
There is no magic number for how many times you should try to get back your ex or keep reaching out when your ex pulls back. For an ex who is not responsive, try at least three times to make sure it’s really over. For one who is open to contact and is responsive, keep trying for as long as you can do it.
If you are concerned about “wasting your time” or “being led on”, create for yourself small milestones to help you keep track of your progress. Revisit these milestones from time to time and if necessary make adjustments so that you are not just blindly beating a dead horse.
It’s very important that your milestones are as realistic to the situation as possible. Unrealistic milestones give the impression things are better or worse than they really are.
As mentioned in my other articles and in my book Dating Your Ex, persistence is not just a matter of stubbornly refusing to give up, or an excuse to make your ex’s life miserable.
- You have to make the necessary changes that make you attractive to your ex, again.
- You have to have a good plan of action (you might want to check with people you trust if your plan of action is realistic and/or effective).
- You must be able to connect with your ex beyond “Hi, what’s up?” or “How’s your day”.
- You must consistent in your words and actions, and be seen as committed to making the relationship work.
- You have to know how hard to push and when to step back and let things unfold naturally.
Last but not least, you have to know when it’s time to give up. That point when you know it’s time is not always black-and-white clear. What I find helps is keeping track of your progress. If after three months of doing all the above, you are exactly where you were when you began, then may be it’s time to give up.
But if you can see progress, even small progress, it’s not over!