3 – Choose your words carefully
Your ex not only wants to know that you know what you are doing, they want to be convinced that the relationship will work. They want to know that there will be a pay-off for them trusting you enough to give you another chance.
The words you use to communicate why your ex should trust you enough to give you another chance is more important than most people realize.
The words you use can create unnecessary conflict, escalate already existing feelings of resentment, or they can defuse conflict, prevent an argument, or warm up your ex’s heart, again.
The problem is that when you are needy and clingy, most of the time what you say or do is not received by your ex the way you intended. Often times, the more you try to explain what you actually meant, the more needy and clingy you appear to be. What started as a text to explain a previous misunderstanding ends up with 30 texts that made things worse.
To avoid these kind of “misunderstandings”, identify the ways in which your language contributes to your ex’s defensiveness or resentment towards you. This is not easy as those words you shouldn’t have said often come out in the heat of emotion.
What I’ve found works for my clients is thinking back to a more recent argument, fight or situation that unintentionally went from bad to worse. What did you say that made your ex more defensive or unresponsive? Try to avoid using the same words or tone of voice.